So ever since I started blogging, I've gone through many waves of insanity and a level of comfort with that insanity. I know there are harder things than having two kids so close together, but I'm definitely not the type of person who can handle much more! So, often, I feel a lot of stress about parenting, being stuck at home, and not having 'adult time'. A lot of things have helped this, like belly dancing, nicer weather, and most importantly, the kids getting older and listening somewhat more and growing into little people with a schedule (somewhat) and conversation skills. It's actually sort of neat. :)
But I know I have to work. If I want to or not. Chaim's unemployment did end, and while he's still a student right now and I have to be home to watch the kids while he studies, we do need to make ends meet. Chaim has a summer semester to do, and I don't know how much we can really work during that time, but once that is over with we'll have a year of no-school to make some money. After that, hopefully, he'll get into a nursing school for fall 2012.
The thing is, I do want to make money and not be paranoid about needing it, and some jobs even seem a little fun, though I'm not planning on getting a dream job anytime soon, just something for now. Another big milestone happened, I registered Zalah for nursery school. She's so smart, and definitely needs it, but it was scary to think of paying anything extra. So of course if she's away all day there's even less of a reason not to work. The hope is that I'll do mornings for example, and Chaim will do nights. We'll never see each other, but Lyla will be home with us and we'll save on babysitting costs. Then next year we hope to get a UPK program which is half off regular price for a full day so both kids will definitely go, and by that point they'll really need it with the way today's kindergartens are set up in the city.
But I think I'll actually miss being home. Part of me got used to making things at home from scratch and gardening and being able to be green and go out with the kids. During the winter it's just so easy to take being home for granted, because it almost feels like prison. But with the ever impending idea that I may have to spend 40 hours a week at a Stop n' Shop cash register is really starting to bum me out. I guess I should be thankful for all the small blessings we're able to have when we have them.
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There is definitely a sense of loss of control/insanity associated with being a mom. I totally feel you on the lack of adult time, and alone time for that matter. It's more fun now that Ari's older, but now I have to struggle all over again with a newborn. OY! Anyway, you're right, it's better now that they can listen more.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see the end of this post until now. Oh yay for Zalah! I'm so happy she gets to go to nursery school! She's such a smart girl and she deserves it!
ReplyDeleteI just know you're going to find a job that is worth the sacrifices you have to make. You're smart and you love people. And you'll get some much needed adult time!
I TOTALLY feel you on this. I was telling Yasir the other day, "if I could go back, I would have maybe never started college" because I feel it sucks all my money away and I don't even plan on working in the super near future (plus, what I want to do requires a Masters which I wont be getting right away because I just can't afford it!) I was talking to my friend who has 3 kids (all 12 months apart) and she says she regrets her college degree SO much. So anyway Yas was like, "why don't you do what makes you happy and stay with the kid(s) and be a housewife?" I guess "housewife" sounds demeaning and like, "oh, I'm JUST a housewife" but I love it....although yeah the Winter SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS (and our Spring too). But at the same time it's like, they grow up at some point and I'll be bored at home and feel like I want to do something with my days. I wonder who will ever hire me when I'll have been out of work for sooooo many years?
ReplyDeletePlus, it's so fucked up that people with college degrees have to work at a damn Stop n' Shop.
if stop n shop doesnt give you benefits why would you work there? i am sure there are better jobs for you to work at!!
ReplyDeletebeing @ home in the winter is prison. i hate ittttttttttttttttt
wow Z in school she is gonna LOVE it!! :)
Amanda, I know. I have really mixed feelings about it, because for me, when they were about a year old and I was in school, I really appreciated going and getting intellectual time. I really needed it and I miss it even now. But I agree, I also can't do anything without a Masters and that's just more time and money. Maybe when they are older and in school I can see about working part time and going to school part time while Chaim has a career? It's an idea. I'm not sure college is totally useless, or how happy I'd be to not hold a degree at all, but I do agree that the jobs we get with it aren't really up to our expectations. Additionally, I like many aspects of being a housewife, as un-feminist as some people may think that sounds (which is what the post was about; liking and possibly missing my freedom being home and time with the kids) and even though I planned to stay home with infants since I was in High School, I definitely don't have the patience to be a full time Housewife forever. The only real bummer is that if I HAVE to be out of the house and miss out on homemade Chai tea and cute things my kids do, I'd rather it be for a job I actually like, that can actually pay some bills. :\ Can't have it all. The bonus is that they're at the age of school already, so at least I wasn't forced to have them in daycare since 6 weeks of age just to have a career. That I am thankful for.
ReplyDeleteLove you Cordy..
ReplyDeleteI may not be in this boat yet but chris and I talk about me being a stay at home mom when we do have kids and I want to but I wonder what it would be like..and the lack of money worries me..
Job wise I can tell you that there are places that will be more likely to hire you because you went to college simply because it shows the willingness and ability to learn..my job has nothing to do with my degree..but they hired me because of it..