Stay-At-Home-Mom

So ever since I started blogging, I've gone through many waves of insanity and a level of comfort with that insanity. I know there are harder things than having two kids so close together, but I'm definitely not the type of person who can handle much more! So, often, I feel a lot of stress about parenting, being stuck at home, and not having 'adult time'. A lot of things have helped this, like belly dancing, nicer weather, and most importantly, the kids getting older and listening somewhat more and growing into little people with a schedule (somewhat) and conversation skills. It's actually sort of neat. :)

But I know I have to work. If I want to or not. Chaim's unemployment did end, and while he's still a student right now and I have to be home to watch the kids while he studies, we do need to make ends meet. Chaim has a summer semester to do, and I don't know how much we can really work during that time, but once that is over with we'll have a year of no-school to make some money. After that, hopefully, he'll get into a nursing school for fall 2012.

The thing is, I do want to make money and not be paranoid about needing it, and some jobs even seem a little fun, though I'm not planning on getting a dream job anytime soon, just something for now. Another big milestone happened, I registered Zalah for nursery school. She's so smart, and definitely needs it, but it was scary to think of paying anything extra. So of course if she's away all day there's even less of a reason not to work. The hope is that I'll do mornings for example, and Chaim will do nights. We'll never see each other, but Lyla will be home with us and we'll save on babysitting costs. Then next year we hope to get a UPK program which is half off regular price for a full day so both kids will definitely go, and by that point they'll really need it with the way today's kindergartens are set up in the city.

But I think I'll actually miss being home. Part of me got used to making things at home from scratch and gardening and being able to be green and go out with the kids. During the winter it's just so easy to take being home for granted, because it almost feels like prison. But with the ever impending idea that I may have to spend 40 hours a week at a Stop n' Shop cash register is really starting to bum me out. I guess I should be thankful for all the small blessings we're able to have when we have them.

Sisters, sisters

So I haven't written in a while, here I am again. I knew that would happen, not like having two babies causes any sort of dizziness and disappearance of time...there I am again. But now I am back to school. Away I go again! Wonderful Kean University in Union NJ, only an hour away and a 6am wake up. How refreshing! But I do have to say, my older sister comes by train to babysit when I have classes, and I really appreciate that. It makes me think of how important siblings are and how I wish my mom had about 20 others just to help me out. :) But Zalah has Lyla and Lyla has Zalah. I keep thinking about how miserable I was to find out I was pregnant again (and to BE pregnant again!). Maybe it just looks better from the outside, but I keep thinking that *if* I ever got pregnant again, I would try to like it. (I'm even thinking of the possibility of natural birth again!! HELLO INSANITY! :D) I do love the little ones, little Lyla especially makes me want to eventually possibly have one more. (Because I know she will have to grow up! :( I can't even accept that yet.) But even if I don't have any more, I just feel blessed that they are so close (now that its OVER WITH!) and they have each other. They get along so well, I know they truly love each other and that it was meant to be this way. <3>my own sanity!

In the meantime, I am obsessed with being a belly dancer! Who knew those moves were so hard!!