Trying to Learn Hebrew

My newest feat (besides knitting and reading) has been trying to learn some Hebrew. I'm pretty serious about it and I think of it often, but I feel like it's so daunting. I wonder if I'll ever be able to express myself in another language as well as I do in English. . . Scratch that, as well as I want to in English. Maybe wanting to use more specific words will force me to learn more of them. I sure hope so.

On another note, I miss many of the things that we stopped doing when we moved here like composting. I want to try and pick that up again. I feel like cloth diapering is totally out, which is sad because if I had a washer and drier, I probably would have never stopped. I also hope Z potty trains soon so that diapers IN GENERAL are in the end of their phase.

Additionally, I am happy to report that Z has been better (or maybe I've been more patient). I feel like she's whining less (or again, like I'm dealing with it better). I feel like she really gets upset the most when there is something she feels she has to do and for some reason she can't. Either frustration or a parent telling her to stop what she's doing for various reasons (for example, if she wants something, but we think she's going to hurt herself the way she's going about getting it). She's been really helpful and sweet and even eating better. She still does her stubborn thing or doesn't want to listen, just like every kid, but she's pretty awesome. Lyla is definitely entering her "2's", but she's still pretty rockin' as well. I love how much they love each other. I really feel like we have such a cool little unit going on.

That reminds me. Some times people think I want, or will want, more kids. I suppose the idea could come to me, but I really don't think I'll seriously want more. Kids are cute, and I do like them, but there are so many reasons I don't want to even go there. For one, I can't afford it. I don't think it would be fair to the kids that ALREADY exist to make more that I don't, as of right now, have ANY obligation to. I have a hard enough time paying attention and caring for Z and L, and I stress SO much, more than anything, about providing for them. Making more, if I can help it, is not really part of the solution.

Secondly, they are so close in age and relationship that any new baby years later will be totally on it's own like an only child. That, and I'm really not interested in having another one so soon, even if I were financially able, and I'm SURELY not interested in having any after 30 (I'm physically destroyed enough as it is. Don't believe me? I pee myself). So there is the impossiblility of a time frame that just doesn't exist. I really love having them as my two little ones, and that they have each other. Sure, I said I wanted more before I had any, but as many new parents soon learn, you tend to change your mind about something once you actually learn what it's like!

And I suppose that's it for now.

A little bit Jealous

I've noticed over the past few months I sometimes feel a little jealous of my single-child friends. I tried to not to let it show, but after thinking about it, I feel like its something I can address and be honest about.

I know that when its your only child it can be hard because its the first time, the whole thing is new, and even one kid can be a difficult. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Mr. Bright Eyes Van Luyn!) ;)

Now, I want to appreciate that I have two adorable kids, and I do, but its definitely hard to hear other parents complain. I felt like I would get along well and relate to other parents, but I just feel like I'm completely losing my mind and would do anything to get a moments peace. Because the truth is, when I'm with just ONE kid, GOSH life seems so much easier. I know its probably all bullshit, but it just seems like life would be so gloriously easy. I feel like I would have had the opportunity to play with the child and talk to the child and actually focus on that one child. Even just to WORRY about just one child. Go out with them and feed them, and maybe myself, deal with their tantrums with full attention, stop them from creating twice as much of a mess, hug them, nap with them, take pictures of them, basically be like a team. And in all honesty, I miss that.

They are so close, I barely remember having just one. And even though I did want a sibling for Zalah eventually, even for that short time, I was sort of upset that Lyla was coming along so soon. (Not that she isn't totally awesome.) I wanted to cherish those moments, and well, I never really could. At least not unencumbered by other things going on around us due to the other kid. Granted, its even easier when the one I have to watch for the time being is Lyla, because she is so sweet and easy going. But even when its Zalah, who is a more difficult personality BY FAR as well as at a more difficult age, its still easier than both since the attention is all on her. Sometimes I think if I had two "Lyla" type personalities it might be better, but just more than one person to keep your eye on is always a lot. Parents who have more than two I think are just crazy. Once you hit two, you should know better!! :P

People who come from big families say that they all were treated with love as individuals, but I find it hard to believe. How can ONE woman physically take care of a large number of children, let alone nurture them and talk to them on a deeper level?

So really its a combination of everything: the fact that there are two, that they are so close in age and the fact that *one of them* is soooooo much more difficult to deal with.

Now before you think I'm evil, let me say that I do love Zalah, she's quirky and silly and cute and super smart. But WOW is she tough. She's not really super aggressive or mean, but she's BOSSY, PICKY, and WHINY.

1. She tells us what to do. She doesn't listen. When she wants it, she means NOW. She bosses Lyla around and tries to discipline her and even hurts her because she doesn't realize her strength. She sees what we do, but when *we* do something to discipline them, we know how to do it without actually causing damage. But she's only 2 so she doesn't know better.
2. She won't eat ANYTHING. The only thing she really eats is grains. Not just 'white' things, but just bread-products. Pasta, cereal, that kind of thing. Sometimes cheese, or whatever it is that week. I have to follow her around with everything and still she hardly eats. At least not variety. Even when she asks for these foods specifically, she usually doesn't finish it, if she even takes a bite. I remember it taking an HOUR to get her to eat a jar of baby food. :
   
3. She whines about EVERYTHING. She really can whine and cry for most of the day. This is partly age, but I remember how much I couldn't stand her behavior at 1+ years, while Lyla is almost two and she's so different. She hurts herself often. Really often. She 'sees' things in her room at night, she's always insulted or sad or hurt. This girl hardly ever smiles. Its sort of sad actually. :( She's the most serious kid I ever met. And she won't let you do what you need to do and have to do. So of course we want to be parents and set the limit, but it comes with whining whining whining. We can't stand it. Also, it brings in previously mentioned discipline, and then she thinks she can do it to everyone else too. She says she knows she is not the boss, but she doesn't act like it!

Just as I was writing this she broke a glass. And once I started typing again and took her off my lap, she cries. Now Lyla can have her freak outs too, but she usually doesn't cry as easily. Though sometimes when she does she just goes onnnnn and onnnn.

Still, I'm glad they have each other to be close to and start trouble with, because they're all the siblings each other is ever going to get!!!

Natural Remedies

Probably because I always say I never wash my hair, my mother in law had mentioned a shampoo like product that doesn't actually wash out your natural oils and was supposed to be better for you. It turns out it was WEN cleansing conditioner and when I googled it, I wasn't sure how well it would work, or really, if it would work better than home remedies. I found this awesome site as well, and here are some new and old tips I wanted to list.

Hair: Plain and simple, wash it less if you can. I use vinegar with shampoo occasionally to get rid of build up, but I can't do that every time and definitely think I need shampoo, but I try to use less of it each time now. It can over dry super easily and I find it to be one of the top culprits. I'm not going to lie, its still not a super small amount, since I need to get my scalp clean, but I do use less now and just lather the top. Then I just let it run off instead of drying out my ends by shampooing them. Also try to never dye, bleach, or use heat styling. And go easy on products since they also cause drying. I used to do all of those things but now I don't do any. I sometimes blow dry my bangs with an ion dryer (I try to stick to 'warm') and use 'cool' after wards. I use Bio-silk sparingly and only sometimes, I don't dye, straighten or blow dry my hair anymore, or use any hair sprays, gels, or mousses. The worst of all those things is bleach and heat, just fyi. And occasional of anything is ok too, just be careful!

For conditioning, I like to use hair mayo sometimes and I really like suave with Shea butter as well. I have a Shea butter "leave in" made by Cantu, but its more like a light styling product because it does grease up my hair quicker than normal. But maybe that's a good thing since my hair is usually dry-ish and Shea butter is a protectant. Because of the dryness, I am able to go longer between washes, but the top gets greasy first and this causes break outs. :(

Skin: This is so weird but I swear its true - apparently vinegar is the cure for everything. Its a natural antiseptic which I knew because I clean with it. But if you dilute apple cider vinegar with 3 parts water and use it as an astringent, the results are amazing. Smelly yes. But amazing. It tightens up my pores like WOAH. I even use it under my arms and those bumps that have always plagued me are all but gone. Wow.

Another thing you can use is lemon rind, but it can burn if your skin is sensitive. Sometimes I just use the lemon when its all spent to rub the inside of my steel sink. It gets some grime out and smells nice. I think.

I also sometimes use Tea Tree Oil on stubborn pimples.

I like to follow with cucumber peels all over my face to soothe and help get rid of redness and under eye circles. It also helps wipe off some vinegar smell but I wait for it to dry. I actually let most things dry right on. So many products have cucumber in it and are so costly. I just use the real thing! It works.

This is another newer one for me personally, but I have to attribute it to one more cure. Vaseline. (I know you hate it Amanda!) I already use it for my lips and feet/hands in the winter, and even under my nose when I have a cold. But I started using it around my eyes at night to seal in moisture. I have to say, it REALLY works!! My circles have never been so diminished from any other expensive product. And I think its good for the lashes too. So far no break outs from it either. Then in the morning I wash with CeraVe foaming face wash which is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It's sort of like Cetaphil but actually gets makeup off. So far I'm just using samples but I hope to buy it soon. It seems to be very highly rated. I still use apricot scrub as well and sometimes other face washes.

I still get deep pimples that don't show, but hurt like hell. I haven't found a way to stop this. Maybe I do over cleanse, but I just hate hate hate them. I also get black heads and bumps, and I sort of have a nervous tendency to pick and them and I really can't stop. Sadly, this creates far worse skin problems than if I could leave them alone.

I also think cocoa butter lotion is the best ever. Any brand.

Edit: As far as skin and hair go, one really great tip is DON'T shower in super hot water. It totally dries out both. It's also a good idea to rinse with cool water too, to seal up the pores/follicles and prevent breakage.

Then there are a few more things that are actually products (and actually not natural) but I'll just put them here anyway.

I have to say, this stuff freaking works. Its not Latisse and I wouldn't want it to be, but I do feel like I lose less lashes and they seem more filled in. Maybe I'm just not wearing makeup as often, since that causes lash loss too.

L'oreal lash boosting serum

Another thing I really like is Maybelline's The Colossal Volum' Express mascara.


I've tried many others and I like this one so much more. I tend to like volume in my mascara and some people do not, but I like this even more than other volume ones. I also like the Cover Girl Lash Blast Fusion which only comes in non-waterproof (I like waterproof) but its about the same caliber as Colossal. SO what bugs the hell out of me is why Maybelline wastes so much money on their stupid The Falsies campaign when everyone hates that mascara! >:( Just google the images to see the before and after. Even people who say they like it look like hell. For real. That's all.

Hood Life (Or something like it)

As most of you may know, we've moved to an area that's not quite the ghetto, it's just next door. Well there are many things I like about living here, such as sidewalks, shops we can walk to and overall friendly people. My mother in law says I get a sick thrill from walking through the hood. Oh? I think I just like to get my stuff done. But even the hollering boosts your self esteem even though you really know you look like shit and they guys are just constantly practicing with any and everyone 'to keep their game up'.

But there are some down sides, not the first of which is that Chaim's bike was very early on stolen from our back yard. (Don't worry, we hopped in the Batmobile down to the hood and found it ;D)

One thing that super sucks is that we don't have laundry access. I probably complained about this before because I knew it would mean the end of cloth diapering, which I was really upset about. (Though Chaim surely isn't...) It costs a hell of a lot more and we frequently run out of disposables. And I don't think I'll ever feel ok with throwing so many diapers out either. AND maybe Z would be potty trained too. :'(

But another two things that suck about it is the COST and the LOCATION. Granted, there are tons of laundromats around. Probably to be within walking distance of just about everyone. And they are. BUT with a double stroller I just can't make the distance. We finally dropped the $30 and bought a cart with wheels to bring our stuff around (everyone here has them-everyone!) but I can't push that and the stroller at once. I've tried to carry one baby and have the other walk, but that was before we even had the cart and even with it its still hard to have one walk and not run into crazy traffic while steering those bulky things. I've even thought of bungeeing the stroller and cart together! Now, when Chaim is around OR if I have the car, there is no problem. I just put all the kids and laundry in the car and go. Yea, its a pain to do laundry with the two little ones but there's no choice there. Or, if Chaim is home and I have the car, I can just go without them. That's the best. OR when we have car problems and therefore NO car, which seems to be the case often enough, we go with the stroller, the cart and two parents. BUT if there's no car and no husband, I can't go at all. Not unless I had a sitter and you can guess how often that's happened. When we lived upstate, we could never walk to a laundromat. As a matter of fact, I've never even been to one before moving here. But I didn't have to. We had machines in the house. They didn't always work and they were always full of our landlords stuff but at least they were there. Now if we have a barf crisis it really can become a crisis. Add that to the fact my cat is sick and peeing on EVERYONE'S bed WHILE the car is busted, and yea. Problems.

The same goes for food stores. We have a few bodegas but they sort of suck. Even the closest kosher store is one of the furthest walking-distance food stores and its not great. I can now carry some stuff in the stroller thanks to the new stroller having a basket on the bottom, but I can't get so much that I'd need the cart, because again, I can't push it while I have the kids. And stuff does get a bit beat up on the ride. :\

Another thing that sucks is that in this area you'd think there would be awesome public transportation. After all, so many people rely on it and we are the last few stops on the A train. But no, that too fails us. The stop closest to us only works going east, to the ONE LAST stop after it. Point!? So we can walk to that one or better yet, to the one further up, one stop closer to the city. But on the weekends, they are ALL closed. Yep. Not only is it the weekend schedule which takes about three hours to get anywhere, but they have to shuttle you all the way up the Rockaways to get on the subway. Now with kids, the shuttle bus becomes an ok-lets-stay-home-instead. Often, when the car worked, we just drove it to Brooklyn or Queens proper and took a train from there. Speaking of trains, they are so not stroller friendly. The city and Brooklyn are bad, but the Rockaways don't know the meaning of the word 'elevator'. I'm hoping to get a job in the city, and its good that at least I can get to the train without a ride, and the ride is probably just as long as it was from upstate, but its clearly far from seamless. At least if its for work there won't be kids with me and I can actually USE stairs. Gosh I miss those sometimes. Maybe that's why I'm getting portly.

This isn't really the fault of moving, but its really amazing how we walk or bike everywhere. You'd think I'd lose so much weight, yet I haven't lost a thing. Before I was just doing stuff at home and occasionally using the treadmill there. Here, I've walked FAR more than I ever did upstate, biked more, and even ran more the few times I've gotten to the gym (which I bike to). I still do those small workouts in my room and stretch, the only thing I don't do is breastfeed. Well apparently that's the kicker. I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight which is normal I guess but I was hoping I could stay where I was while nursing. I remember before I was pregnant I couldn't lose an ounce either. Not while eating at least, and I like eating. :D

We totally are into biking and its a good thing that so many things are close, or at least in biking distance, including Chaim's job at night when we really don't have a car. But as with the doing-ANYTHING-without-a-husband situation, I can't bike to any of these places without someone home with the kids.

Some things like a car or washer and dryer are definitely a huge investment and upfront cost. But sometimes I think not having them is even worse. At least if you have a washer you can use it as often as needed and though the water and energy bills will go up, at least you don't have to pay the same standard price for the machine. Not having a car means you have to pay for EVERY little ride/train/subway you take to get anywhere past walking distance. Often there is no way to get to where you need to be and car services are crazy. I don't even know if you can bother with car seats in them or how costly it would be for them to wait for you so you don't have to take the seats out while at an appointment or shopping. It becomes impossible.

Two in one sidetrack combo: The car, by the way, really does go on you when you need it most. I've had such a stressful week with not having the car while I needed to get my cat to the vet for a UTI. I wanted to BIKE to him if it meant getting there. He's about 6.5 miles away (and there's a stupid toll) but without a sitter (or car) I could not do it with the kids. Side track #2, you REALLY can't do anything with kids. Wow. When people say life as you know it is over, I assumed having fun and doing things for you. But no, it means being able to LIVE and go where you truly NEED to go. I feel like having kids makes me too busy to even be able to take care of kids. For example, the laundry situation coupled with the other problems we had today makes it impossible to get the kids peed on sheets washed for them. Chaim missed class to get it taken care of but that was all we could do. We just could not have time to do laundry. Or money really. I'm really surprised and thankful and PROUD that they were fed and changed while dealing with the car-cat-crisis situation today. That's how hard it is some days. That's how much it sucks.

As a plus, there are TONS of car shops around here. I don't know why, since so many people rely on public transit (good luck) but I guess many people have cars too. I guess there's just a whole lot of many people out here.

Another thing that bothers me about the lots of many people, is that SO SO SO many of them use the "N-word". We don't say the N word. We don't even JOKE about it. And even if I was plastered drunk and going native and saying it "in a friendly way" it still won't be uttered in front of the kids. Its just not something I want them to say. Well, now that they hear it 1,034,984,352,986,429,034 times a day, we'll have to see how that turns out.

It's actually pretty sad. There were little kids at the park the other day and they kept calling each other crack heads. Not everyone here is irresponsible/on drugs/bad parents etc, but its really sad that you hear it from the mouths of babes. :(

I also feel like its so expensive to live here, or anywhere really. But to be "broke" and in an economically disadvantaged area...yea its not so great. There are obviously not a lot of jobs close by, and you have to pay for EVERYTHING like laundry, rides etc. and almost always in cash. But more than that, when you're really broke, you get the crappiest stuff. Like we've had breathing issues since moving here since its more of a basement than the last place, but the last place had it too. We keep our apartments very clean, but there's always stagnation and sometimes mold in basements so I really feel like poor people just can't get good health. Never mind health CARE, which we have (when we can get a WAY to the office....also never mind that clinics seriously take all day. You can't do ANYTHING else.) Just that poor people aren't allowed to be or STAY healthy. Now that's fucked up. Some people don't believe health care is a right. I disagree, but we *should* all agree that people shouldn't get fucked over for not having more money. There are laws against it, but yea, no one cares. Maybe if everything was taken care of, from peeling paint to affordable healthy food, there wouldn't need to be such high bills for health care in these areas. And its sad but true, soo so so so many people here have a limp. I always thought that was a stereotype...but they do. (Shootings too but that's different. Maybe related. I don't know.)

Other things include broken glass everywhere, the pain in the ass of switching information over here, finding new doctors, getting to/dealing with the medicaid/food stamp office, people's dogs etc. And maybe its a fucked up stereotype and I'm usually so against them that people call me naive, but I do also worry about people around here especially if we're talking about daycare or something like that. And I don't mean one group I mean ANYONE. Even a Jewish place. The best ones of course I can't afford, so it would have to be peoples houses. And just in general I'm so used to being with the kids that I worry about ANYONE with them, but a daycare/full time babysitter would really have to feed them and deal with them on a longer term basis. The only people I know and trust work during the day lol.

I'm sure there is more but I just felt compelled to write about that for now.

It's been a long while.

So in May we moved to Bayswater. The mosquitoes here suck. I graduated with a BA and it means nothing. But I've learned I can clean practically anything. Not out of skill but out of repetition. The kids are completely insane. I really wish I could get out of the house and have some sanity but that hasn't happened thus far. I've learned a few recipes but even cooking counts as "me time" meaning the kids don't let you do it.

Because of the move to a more 'urban' area, we don't have access to a washer and dryer anymore. I'd been using friends but just yesterday went to a laundromat for the first time ever. Zalah likes to call it the laundry-pants store. That shit is expensive. I still take darks home to line dry. Also, I'm not opposed to some light tub washing. BUT because of this, we don't cloth diaper anymore. Chaim is tickled pink, but the cost of diapers sucks. While we cloth diapered for those few months, I had a huge Costco box of diapers for Lyla and hardly made a dent. Since moving I think I've bought two at least, maybe three. I'm actually upset about it. :(

We also haven't composted, though I thought about it. We brought five of our six attempted tomato sprouts and out of five that grew short, four grew well for a while. But they were started too late and never made fruit, and just keep wilting in this terrible humid climate. :(

A bonus is that we live close to the beach and far from other bullshit, but everything has its complications. The apartment is nice, big, fairly decent but boiling hot. Except when we don't have hot water but I never shower in it anyway. I've made new friends and try to see new and old, but its tough to get it all done. I think I could manage to see people and run errands, but its the unexpected things and getting kids to get ready, eat enough, and have enough with you to handle the everyday basics and the random Oh-shit moments, like Lyla barfing in the car seat.

The kids. Ah the kids. They don't eat well, they don't sleep well, and then they try to say they want to eat when it's time for bed. 'Terrible ones' eat your hearts out. Zalah can really throw them now that she's two. Lyla can also still have her moments, but I do think much is personality and Lyla seems more calm. Zalah is very serious, even though she's sweet and likes to help, and gets frustrated easily and is very bossy. She says very funny things though, such as "Don't make me mad!", "Don't tell me no!", "I like people. We have to be nice. We can't fight.", and "Seriously!?". Lyla is talking more too, saying "gubby" for "Buggy" and little things she repeats after us. Z won't potty train, and Piotr has decided to pee all over the bath mat and outside his box. Fabulous. I gained weight that won't go away, yes, even with diet and exercise. Even with living in a sauna and chasing kids til you sweat, every single day. Must be that I can't Zumba every day... Piotr's not so slim either. Chaim just started working at a gym though, so that should help him, and it would help me if I ever had a babysitter. At least I'm not pregnant.

I'm not sure what else to say, though I bet there is more. I'm currently exhausted and have to pick Chaim up from work. The kids FINALLY went to bed after trying for a good two hours. :P At least the place is fairly clean, if not boiling hot.

I'm going back to the start...

This last semester of school has been a trip. With two babies, senior classes (even though its only three...), both parents in school, no jobs, worries about apartment situation I really haven't had much time to blog! But one thing I do notice is that Lyla is now about the age Zalah was when I first started this thing. She was little, sweet, slept at night and full of smiles. What the hell happened!??! Now she's more like Zalah was at this age: whiny, clingy, fussy, a grump. What happened to my cute little munch!?


She refuses to sleep alone, doesn't eat well, and I can NOT put her down. She's throwing those one-year-old-tantrums that are less funny than Zalah's terrible-twos.



(Yes, she's saying "Oh my god!")

Zalah meanwhile, can tell me what she wants, and even though its sort of a pain to raise a child who wants to do things herself and make a huge mess in process, its something I know they need to do. Her new thing is feeding herself cereal with milk and you'd better not try to hold the spoon for her. But she's learning, and she likes to feed Lyla too. She does a lot of freelance art on anything, still rips apart books, and asks questions about everything; more so "whatcha doin?" and "wuzzat?" more than the dreaded "why?" but I can feel it coming...

Although she's becoming independent, I do notice she likes to be by herself sometimes in social situations as well. I'm starting to see the formations of a personality even more so now than before. She's definitely smart, easily frustrated and sometimes likes her space, but I think she'll be very close and true to her friends and family, and an overall caring person.

Lyla...well Lyla just screams.

She's starting to nod her head and say some words, which is cute. The best is when she says 'yes' but looks just like a fish flapping its mouth really quickly. I'll try to get a video of that one.

Looking back, my descriptions of them when I started this blog might not be the same today. It makes me wonder, what really is their personality and what really is just the age they are in? Because Lyla, like Zalah, has a bad case of the 'terrible-ones'.

My Beautiful Garden!

So far I've weeded and put up a net canopy and gate. We planted two bushes: raspberry and blueberry. I hope they grow!! The amazing thing is, most of this stuff was found. Some of it in that very spot, such as a pick tool, zip ties and rocks (to prop all the stakes up and keep the gate and net securely in the ground). Other things that were 'found' were all those wooden slats (from the broken part of the patio) the 2x4, the broom handles and the wooden rod (on left), the gate and the ribbons. We bought the net last year and the seeds and plants were bought as well. We also bought gloves and borrowed a cultivator (human-powered). That's it! I hope to plant in a week or two! I'm excited to see what grows! :)

The New New Addition to the Green List!

Compost!!!

Compost bin.

Compost bin.


Compost bin.

Compost bin!


We are starting a garden. These are my professional rock removers.

Here you can see the garden, complete with gnomes, in the background. All the way to the left in front of the fence is a pile of rocks. We are planning to go to that bush on the right. There are already some flowers there. Can you tell how far I weeded up to this picture? Lol. I did some more work on it after going to Home Depot. We really have to get started on planting NOW. I bought a few seeds such as tomato, cucumber, string beans, watermelon, radish, and lettuce. I also bought a sprigs that are supposed to grow into a raspberry and blueberry bush! We'll see how it goes! I hope I have enough room. If not, we'll skip some seeds this year. I'll try to post updates if anything grows! Wish us luck! :)

The Dilemma of Forever

I, like most parents since the 1960's or so, like to capture moments of my babies life on film. You really can forget about the little changes that happen over time; even in a few short months one picture brings back memories you didn't know you'd forgotten. Their daily funny antics can be shown to family members who are far away. It seems to be such an amazing gift to be able to do this in modern times. But I wonder if it is not without trade offs.

The main thing that worries me in this digital age is that by jumping for the camera we might miss what is actually there. I feel this way with vacations too. Sure, we are there and can split our time, but having to stop to aim and shoot seems to take away that in-the-moment feeling for the fact that sometimes, we vacate to get away from all our daily technology. Some times we just want to be and feel.

This world is too image conscious. So even when you do take those pictures, and you are in them, you have to wonder how you look. Even if you don't care in the moment, which I think is sometimes just hidden away in the backs of our minds, we might care afterwards. Its not so much for the fact that we always have to look amazing, but because we want the image to portray the sentiment that was there when it was immortalized. And more often than not, the picture can come out looking cold or badly shot because real life isn't a portrait studio with perfect lighting. When we try to worry about getting the best shot during a 'moment' it is precisely the time that we trade off the moment for the picture, or we then try to recreate it artificially to look better than the real thing felt or looked at the time. Or sometimes, we miss the moment totally, in person and with the camera, when we run to grab the means to capture it. It doesn't always happen this way, but it does often enough that it makes you stop a bit.

Lately, Lyla has been super attached and lying on my chest very often, at night before bed, in the middle of the night or in the morning. Even though it can be a huge task for me to deal with so often, it is still sweet. I've thought of trying to take pictures of it, but I think its better to just enjoy it. I'm not about to give up my camera either, but some things just won't be in the family slide show. Thankfully, we have enough that is.

A quick tip.

When cutting your veggies, take the bits you would normally throw out, such as carrot tops, scallion bottoms, and these


And put them in a ziplock in the freezer.


You can then use these to make a soup broth for free without having to waste any new veggies! Just strain and chuck* the bits when you're done!


You can keep the broth in the freezer too, in a container you were going to have to throw away! Look at you, being so green! :) (This one actually has the left over "marinade" from my zucchinis. Its garlic, olive oil and spices, but the zucchinis give off some water too so you can totally use it as/with a broth!)


*A quick edit: Just strain and compost the bits when you are done! :)

Africa, you sustain me!

I've been meaning to write about this for a little while now, but I'm always SUPER tired in the AM. Well now its 3 o'clock so here it is, my obsession, Mombasa Coffee.

Add one or two cinnamon sticks, 3 cardamom pods, and about 4-5 cloves into a pot. DON'T BUY THESE AT A REGULAR STORE! They are a rip off. Get them at your local Indian market, where the people are way nicer anyway. The cinnamon is usually the strongest, even though I love the flavor, I add one most of the time.

Add water. Its a good idea to add more than you need, because it cooks down A LOT. I never have enough. Turn it on to boiling but then reduce it so it doesn't get too burnt or evaporated.


It takes a little time, so meanwhile, prepare your French Press. :) I got mine (FINA-FLIPPING-LY!) for $15 at a local supermarket. Nice.


Let it get nice and dark. Mmmm dark. ;)


Then I strain it through a mesh strainer. You can also make it by adding the coffee to the stove and cooking it just a bit longer, BUT I've heard that you really shouldn't make coffee with boiling water because it can burn it. Personally, it was really delicious when I made it that way, but little grains always came past the strainer anyway, and I also like to keep the seeds for another use. This way it doesn't mix with the coffee grounds and I can keep the seeds for another time.


Wait some more. The longer the stronger. I like it strong but I love the spice flavor so its a bit of a trade off. :\


Press slowly (so close!!!!)


Pour and enjoy!! I like mine with a bit of milk. :) Pure happiness!!



On another note, I got my ONE shirt, did you??

You better remember this face, it will lead the Revolution!!

Well you should. I also get a little flack for supporting international organizations, and besides the fact that I think that's dumb and rude, I want to clear up a few things.

1.) This country will never be 'fixed enough' for people to be ready to export aid. We'll always have something to fix so in the meantime, these dying people are not going to wait.

2.) I support local orgs PLENTY. As a matter of fact, I benefit from them. If you want me to knit scarves for the local homeless vets, you got it. So don't tell me not to send some malaria nets or meds overseas either.

3.) As with previous said orgs, people run those and support those, including me. But I care about THIS and I'm going to support THIS! I got shit for doing my global change project on discrimination of Gypsies/Roma and one girl said "Well, they do steal and no body likes them and this isn't as important as all the other things everyone else is doing, etc etc"...exactly my point bitch, thanks for proving it.

4.) As poor as the people here are, they are not THIS poor. Even the homeless here have shelters (as shitty as they are) and water from a local bathroom sink (trust me, many all over the world DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO CLEAN WATER!! A grimy sink would be heaven.) Hell, I'm richer than, what? 50% of the world? And in case you all don't know, we are unemployed. I'm not trying to bitch either, I am a very grateful person. But they say the poor are more generous than the rich. You got that right.

I would love to do more for this organization and the other ones I am a part of, other than just clicking petitions. While I think (hope) that helps, I hope I can really start doing more soon.


Lol.

It only borders on obsession...

I've known about this brand, Bear Naked, for about a month now. Flippin' yum.

Some More Recent Videos

My Reggae gals.



Box Ride!



Lyla walks!



Lyla Groove



Zalah likes it!



Conference Call



Professor Z



These take foreevvvvvvverr to upload!

woah Woah WOAH!!!!

Ok, I just found out something today from stalking a friend of my mom's on facebook. Do you all remember that show Drake and Josh? Josh:


This is him now.


Holy BOLOGNA! Maybe I'm behind since I don't watch TV but I think I should have known about this! I am in shock! We must discuss this one.

What I want my resume to say!

I don't have a lot of experience on my resume, and while this may be true in the corporate business sector (like anyone cares about that...) I think it is not telling the full story. I feel under represented because I can't make a resume say the things about me that I want people to know. Here I would like to share what I wish I could put in a resume. (In case this disclaimer is still necessary, I usually do these to be funny, albeit it is true!)

I was born in Germany and came here when I was four. Amid my parents divorce, I was raised by my grandmother and grandfather. My uncle lived with us, along with his boyfriend, a wonderful black man. These experiences helped to shape my world view. Kindergarten wanted to keep me back for mixing two letters of the alphabet in my second language. I then went to Catholic school as a child while my mother went to nursing school. I didn't have many friends, but usually clung to the other kid who was slightly different from everyone else.

In high school I was in a few clubs such as E.R.A.S.E. (anti-racism) and cheer leading. I was a flier and we competed in the first tournament as a team in about 20 years. I was also the odd one out, forsaking what was popular in style for doing my own thing. In the past I have dealt with major traumatic issues related to living in today's complex world such as eating disorders, depression and self mutilation. I have beat them all, without medical intervention. I have learned much from these experiences. I also have learned a lot from horrible boyfriends. Thanks guys! I fluctuated in school from excellent to terrible depending on how bad life was at the time, sometimes I did well even when life was bad. I have modeled in the past for dozens of photographers and been painted by many others. My image has been published in books, been shown at galleries and been on the cover of artists magazine. I don't even count the web images as important enough. I have also been thanked in CD credits. My style is fly and professionals (a teacher from Pratt stopped me in the street!) have told me to go into fashion, but I'm not ruthless enough for a world of shallow illusion. I stopped doing some of these things because I like to be ahead of the game. I quit smoking.

I would like to explain the school thing a little bit more.

(Spring '07) My first semester at Kean I was working two jobs, a total of 50-60 hours a week (If you don't believe me, I can break it down for you: 12 hour shifts at a restaurant 3-4 times a week, usually Wednesday, Friday and Saturday but sometimes Monday as well. Tuesday and Thursday I had class late so I worked at Red Bull in the morning or evening and couldn't make the restaurant. Monday and Wednesday class was earlier so I got out in time to work at the restaurant. I would get out around 12:30-2:30 and still managed to spend time drinking after wards since that's part of the job description of a waitress. If I had to shower I would get to bed at 4am and wake up for RB at 7. I also worked RB in any spare days, such as Sundays for a total of about 20-30 hours. I still managed to have a hectic social life.) School was full time. I earned straight A's. I spent some of the time trying to convert religions.

(Fall '07) The next semester I was married and pregnant. I was Jewish, so I was keeping Shabbat as well as Jewish holidays, and in case you didn't get the memo, that's a lot of days you can't study and work. I moved to NY state and had a commute. Our car was the most busted falling apart jalopy ever, but we made it work. I worked part time in Manhattan for Jack and did all the research on a publication with my name on it. In school, full time again, one professor I had for two classes said I was at the top of the class and would have earned A+'s had the school offered them. Straight A's.

(Fall '08) I took off Spring semester to give birth and raise a newborn. By fall, I was enrolled again full time and also pregnant again. I earned a small scholarship to help with tuition. I was also still breast feeding and pumping and paying for my sister to come on the train (she babysat for free, but we paid for the commute). I volunteered at the local nursing home twice a week. I received one A-, my worst grade to date. Husband took a night class at the local community college for this semester and the next one to help add classes to his transcript. Another professor said my final paper was Masters Level.

(Fall '09) Again I took off Spring semester to give birth and raise a child. By the fall, enrolled full time, I had two infants under two years old. They were both born in 2008. My husband had lost his job and we were living off of unemployment. We took in a couple who needed somewhere to stay, as well as my sister. Needless to say, it didn't work out so well, but they stayed with us the whole semester, for about 4 months. We helped feed them and tried to not be selfish with our possessions. We watched their cat the whole time and some weeks after. Since my husband was not working, he went back to school to further his education and work towards a degree. He studied often in the library while I watched the kids. Usually I study intermittently or in the evenings because the day is too hectic to sit down and concentrate. I started cloth diapering. First both babies, now just one. Straight A's again.

(Spring '10) Finally back in Spring semester. Husband and I switch days of class so we don't have to pay for a sitter. We also now receive food stamps. I only have 3 classes left, including Senior Seminar which requires many papers, some weekly, and a Masters level Social Theory class with the same professor that gave me the A-! I try to read 25 pages a night to keep up. I am joining the honor society for Sociology majors and will no doubt graduate Summa Cum Laude this May. My current GPA is 3.981. I am being inducted into the sociological honor society Alpha Kappa Delta and Phi Kappa Phi.

I work five full time jobs, everyday. These include being a housekeeper, nanny, chef, early childhood educator (my students progress is amazing, by the way) and student. I mend and fix things part time, which could be included in the housekeeper category (though today many people do not do these things anymore.) I am not a C.E.O but I am an M.O.M. I also manage all the finances in the household, keeping track of bank accounts, food stamp accounts, children's accounts and paying the bills. I also budget and keep track of how much we spend on gas. I am organized and keep important papers neatly in a safe place. I return library books on time. I still manage time for play dates to keep the kids socialized and entertained. I also exhibit great leadership skills. My kids listen or else. Seriously though, they are great kids, who are sweet and caring, they share and are incredibly bright. Eat that! Speaking of eating, my culinary skills have improved immensely and I now cook a wide range of delicious vegetarian dishes from around the world.

One of my main skills in the past and now is my ability to flow with many many groups. I can be comfortable in a party in the hood, a Muslim sisters party and if I have to, a Jewish event with my 'good' face on. I enjoy diversity and learning and have been called a social chameleon more than once. I throw myself into different groups. I don't have the concept of feeling out of place, or at least I don't let fear deter me from trying. I am not fake at all, I just share in many collective consciousnesses. I have been totally accepted as a part of the Metal subculture, MSI fans, Fetish scene, and Jewish religion (see the similarities?) and partly accepted by many others. I am quite real and honest, but I am kind hearted and not malicious. I also have a great bullshit detector and am not easily manipulated. Being a busy parent and getting excellent grades has not made me any less personable. I am as spirited as any other grad without the hangover. I am responsible and keep appointments. I am versatile and unique. I am the coolest nerd you've ever met.

I also have a need to create, usually done in my free time the semesters I was off of school and the children were asleep. Some things I make are jewelry, clothing (new or deconstructed), paintings and drawings, hair accessories, wall hangings, knit scarves, crafts, and a full on tribal belly dance belt. I have even worked with wood and metal in the past. I also have a shirt design store online that is catered to activists and has witty but subtle and cleaver messages. The site is not public yet for lack of photo shop skills needed to complete execution, but the ideas are there, mine and original. The proceeds are intended to go 100% to charity. I even write in my spare time, either on my blog or on facebook about issues in the world and my personal take and input. I consider myself a Feminist and Activist.

I also like to read, bike ride, belly dance, run, stretch, mountain climb, kayak, and try any new adventurous things when time and money permits. I can put my feet on my head, do a full split and pop my hip out of place. I try to be active and I eat healthy. I also enjoy independent and foreign movies. I also got into playing free rice online to donate food to the poor while improving my vocabulary and geography skills. To be sure, it has helped me identify more countries than I ever knew before. I have been back to my home country three times. I am trying to relearn my native language. I have basic conversation skills. I can also say a few simple phrases, such as 'hello' or 'how are you' in about ten languages. I don't care much for money but I would love to travel the world. I love music and art, everything from graffiti to Rachmaninoff. I also love brain teasers and mental puzzles. I can read "Fox in Socks" without barely stumbling. I'm just that good. I can also read "Green Eggs and Ham" in Hebrew, though not surprisingly, it has a different name.

I am also green, trying to conserve as much as possible and never waste. I recycle. I have a whole list of things I do to keep green here. I have distributed free food a store was getting rid of to random people on the street, just because I felt like picking it up and doing so. I am a vegetarian and I also love animals.

Despite being 'under the poverty line', we are fairly happy. We are appreciative for everything and try to be generous in return.

I asked a friend and reference what he had to say and he came back with this: "I was about to give a simple answer about your creativity, but then I realized this was about the res for your blog, so I guess we can cast the net a little wider. Well, in addition to creativity, you have an awesome sense of humor, great taste in music, a passion for social justice, a love for minorities and the oppressed, an incisive mind and when you get on a roll on a topic that excites you - either talking or writing - there's no stopping you! You stand by your convictions, but you always listen to the other position and even more importantly, you respect the other position even if you don't agree with it. You absorb information like a sponge, you learn from all people who have something to contribute, and you're not too stubborn to adapt your position to accommodate new things you have learned. You're a loving, protective mother. You have a good work ethic. You're not materialistic. You're honest. You speak your mind while trying not to offend anyone, but collateral damage won't keep you from speaking the truth. You love peace. You're a good friend. Need more?"

My "real" resume looks pretty dull in comparison, doesn't it?!

New addition to our "Green List"!

Home grown scallions! Just keep the white part in fresh water and voila! :) I hope we can add to this soon, since we've had seeds lying around for months. The planter came to hold Chaim's paperwork! Lol! Some day we might even have a yard! Gosh Golly! :D

"Yes Dear"

As per request of the amazing Sarah Fader, this is what Zalah learned from listening to Daddy:

And more of her silliness:

Product reviews - L'Oreal and Bamboo diapers

I recently had a coupon for $1 off L'oreal Go 360° Clean from CVS, so I wanted to check it out. I never heard of it before, maybe because I live in a media-less bubble. Turns out, it is a new face wash, and WOW!

The packaging is actually more opaque than this, with the green and orange being more clear of a gel. The orange has little beads in it for exfoliating. I wasn't sure which one to try but I went with the sensitive, probably because I usually use a sensitive Oil of Olay foaming wash, even though I have no idea what kind of skin I really have. (Dry, combo, sensitive??)

It has this little scrubber that, as you can see, comes out of the bottle. I'm not usually impressed by gimmicks like this, so I was objective about trying it. It is super soft like a silicone with little raised nubs. I also noticed the back end is a suction. I don't know if its on purpose, but I keep it on my mirror instead of putting it back in the bottle for easier access.
What I don't like, is that neither it or the bottle are recyclable. Uh oh! But I will give away any if I buy another bottle. Sometimes I think these things should be separate.

All face washes promise less break outs and smoother skin, etc, but I usually feel generally apathetic about them all. Mainly I just look for one that actually REMOVES my makeup from my back-in-the-day-ton-of-makeup days without raccooning a greasy mess around my eyes. Well I am very impressed with the 360° clean. It not only removes my makeup, with help from the scrubber, but actually cleans. I had compliments on my frightening bare-naked skin within a day or two of using it, even with a few residual blemishes that were from a few days earlier. Since then, new ones have not appeared. I think the combination of great face wash and that neat little do-dad really does the trick. It also exfoliates but gently, so I can still use my apricot scrub every few days, but have brighter skin just from my nightly washing. I also liked that I chose the sensitive, since I've read a few reviews that said the normal ones were a bit drying. Even Chaim likes it, and we do notice smaller pores!

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Onto their new collagen volume mascara. I bought this a little while ago, since I'm always trying new mascaras, and often they are L'Oreal. When I finally opened it, it was sort of dry and clumpy. Of course, as with the face wash, they always promise no clumps and tons of volume. I wasn't so impressed. I returned it to CVS the same time I bought the Go 360° Clean and got a replacement. It was a little less dry than a normal new mascara, but a bit better than the old one. Sometimes, new mascara is TOO wet and it gets all over. It still clumped a little, and still felt dry on my lashes and pulled, which wasn't too nice. I always get waterproof, for some reason, so its usually tough to get off. This one is no exception. Overall I'm not too impressed with this one, which is sad because I loved Lash Architect, Voluminous, Volume Shocking, Panoramic Curl and even Telescopic was ok, though I usually like volume (can you tell?) over long and thin. I'll have to go back to a tried and true next time, or just return this one now.

On the plus side, L'Oreals website is gorgeous and wonderful for info such as creating a custom skin regiment. And on websites, so is Chiquita's! I was impressed.

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On to another item since we're on topic of reviews, Bagshot Row Bamboo diapers suck. Don't even waste your $20. I don't even fully get it. It's like an all in one diaper, since its contoured and elastic at the legs, but its not. It doesn't close on its own, so you need a pin or snappi and it doesn't have a cover, so I played it safe and put a Thirsties on it. What's the point of a cute diaper if it needs a cover? It certainly didn't look waterproof...and on that topic, what's the point of paying $20 when you still need all the other stuff!? It also has a 'snap in' doubler that is like 2 long thin sheets, and a small pad that was like a liner but the same material. What I HATE is how it goes on the outside, verses how a FuzziBunz holds the bulk of material inside a pocket. This, geniuses, is to keep it mess free, and cleaning a massive poop off of 4 different surfaces WAS NOT! It didn't even wash out well. Prefolds stain sometimes, but its not so bad and FB washes pretty cleanly because of the material they use. Overall, prefold are way cheaper, better and even *gasp!* easier to clean if you fold them right, even WITHOUT a liner. The ease-level is about the same as well. Why would any sane person pay so much?? Oh right, its "in style". F that noise.

I'm so annoyed I don't even want to take my own picture.

HOT HOT HOT!

Chaim made a home made hot sauce (finally!) from Rick Bayless. He has a crush on him. :)

Yes, its an old Frank's Bottle!

It has to marinate for a day, but it tastes so wonderful already! Zalah tried it and said "Yummy!" She loves hot stuff! He is also making me salmon tonight rubbed with the left over seeds and husks, probably because I'm mad at him! :) You can see his home made salsa in the back. I'm not sure what we'll use that for, maybe the salmon too. He also made a marinated steak Mexican style as well, but I think the hot sauce is going to be the winner of all this hot stuff! Try it!

ZALAH!!!!!

Last night I was finally going to watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, since I am very behind in the series. I tried to put it in the DVD slit (we don't have a door that pops out on this computer) and it would NOT. GO. IN.

We turned off the computer and when it rebooted, it accepted the DVD, but then spit it out. We turned it over to see how it looked underneath and maybe if there was a way to open the door. Then we heard it. *slide*

"What was that!? I heard something moving in there." I said. Something was sliding around in our computer. PANIC!

We called Dell, and went to Dell Chat, and were put on hold and in queue and transferred and on hold and in queue. I chatted with someone who transferred me, turns out our computer has the OLD computers code, which is another issue. We searched all over for something to prove this computer was sent to us in replacement since they made us send back the old one. I was about number 5 waiting to chat and suddenly it was 29. We restarted, we waited on the phone, etc. I finally got someone who connected to our computer and tried to shut it off and check things out. Of course it didn't work. He called Chaim's phone but was dropped, with no extension to call him back on (we asked). He was just telling Chaim to take the battery out and 'open the computer'. The computer does not open just from that. He started to unscrew the whole thing when I panicked and asked him not to do it. All this time we were starting to surmise that Zalah might have stuck something inside of it. I was sick of being up and have been trying to get to bed earlier, so I went to sleep. I don't even know when Chaim went to bed but he mentioned that they couldn't send anyone until he received a correct code for the computer.

Fast forward to this am; After I fed the kids, I thought, let me post on Facebook and see if anyone has ideas. Some people suggested I stick a paper clip in the hole that ejects the CD door. We don't have a hole, or a door. I told Chaim I think Zalah might have put in the plastic "memory card" that comes with the computer to keep dust out of that slot, since she sees us putting ours into the computer to upload pictures. I mentioned this while also trying to use something firm to coax it out. My friend Kristen suggested I use strong tape, like we used in photo processing to grab the film out, while others suggested I shake it. Well, I tried a little of both. And then I saw it. A small, black corner sticking out, barely visible. I shook a little firmer and this is what I saw:

ZALAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How I Diaper

First, I fold the diaper in three, into the middle which is the thickest. This is standard.


But what I do differently is flip it over. Then I simply lay a liner directly over the whole length, put one side under her tush, and pull the front up and between her legs.


I folded the front down because this is an extra long diaper. With some brands you won't have to do this. Then I pull the back flaps out from under her and tuck the front flaps under them and secure with a snappi. I use the bottom part of the snappi to hook the middle pieces and keep them folded together.


Cover with a diaper cover. I like Thristies 2.0.


I think the fold I use is just a standard fold, but inside out. I found the other way, which maybe was meant to hold the poop, just got it all over the sides as well as middle. This way it stays on the middle and since I use liners now, there is no need for a fancy fold to hold the doody. I've tried newspaper folds before and liked how it utilized that extra thickness on top. What are your favorite folds?