Stay-At-Home-Mom

So ever since I started blogging, I've gone through many waves of insanity and a level of comfort with that insanity. I know there are harder things than having two kids so close together, but I'm definitely not the type of person who can handle much more! So, often, I feel a lot of stress about parenting, being stuck at home, and not having 'adult time'. A lot of things have helped this, like belly dancing, nicer weather, and most importantly, the kids getting older and listening somewhat more and growing into little people with a schedule (somewhat) and conversation skills. It's actually sort of neat. :)

But I know I have to work. If I want to or not. Chaim's unemployment did end, and while he's still a student right now and I have to be home to watch the kids while he studies, we do need to make ends meet. Chaim has a summer semester to do, and I don't know how much we can really work during that time, but once that is over with we'll have a year of no-school to make some money. After that, hopefully, he'll get into a nursing school for fall 2012.

The thing is, I do want to make money and not be paranoid about needing it, and some jobs even seem a little fun, though I'm not planning on getting a dream job anytime soon, just something for now. Another big milestone happened, I registered Zalah for nursery school. She's so smart, and definitely needs it, but it was scary to think of paying anything extra. So of course if she's away all day there's even less of a reason not to work. The hope is that I'll do mornings for example, and Chaim will do nights. We'll never see each other, but Lyla will be home with us and we'll save on babysitting costs. Then next year we hope to get a UPK program which is half off regular price for a full day so both kids will definitely go, and by that point they'll really need it with the way today's kindergartens are set up in the city.

But I think I'll actually miss being home. Part of me got used to making things at home from scratch and gardening and being able to be green and go out with the kids. During the winter it's just so easy to take being home for granted, because it almost feels like prison. But with the ever impending idea that I may have to spend 40 hours a week at a Stop n' Shop cash register is really starting to bum me out. I guess I should be thankful for all the small blessings we're able to have when we have them.

One Quick Thing. . . then again, it's me we're talking about

I just have one quick tip I'd like to share. Put your scallions and herbs in a wet paper towel, fold it around the base and store in the fridge in a produce bag (I reuse mine, and actually I hardly have them since I buy my produce loose). The water keeps them fresh and I think even growing. These scallions are a few days old and are firm and luscious.

I love scallions!

Come to think of it, remember when I mentioned Chaim's other other night job? And how I started this blog the day he got fired? So it's been about two years since then and we found out his unemployment is ending in two weeks. :( This is after an error in which they held about three weeks, which we had to go in in person and refute and still are waiting for it to come through. But it doesn't really matter so much because it's basically over. So now what? I have no idea. We're trying the gardening thing again, have a nice compost started, but something tells me we'll need more than that to live on. Hmmm.

The heat and hot water isn't on, which is a pain but hopefully the oil truck will come again tomorrow.

And children, why don't they sleep?? Do they want to be zombies? It's after 10, and I still hear Lyla in the room. Meanwhile I'm ready to pass out!

In case I didn't say so on here yet, Z is basically officially potty trained. So that's awesome! Lyla is officially in the middle of TERRIBLE TWOS!! NOT AWESOME!!!

I'll keep you posted on the news.

Trying to Learn Hebrew

My newest feat (besides knitting and reading) has been trying to learn some Hebrew. I'm pretty serious about it and I think of it often, but I feel like it's so daunting. I wonder if I'll ever be able to express myself in another language as well as I do in English. . . Scratch that, as well as I want to in English. Maybe wanting to use more specific words will force me to learn more of them. I sure hope so.

On another note, I miss many of the things that we stopped doing when we moved here like composting. I want to try and pick that up again. I feel like cloth diapering is totally out, which is sad because if I had a washer and drier, I probably would have never stopped. I also hope Z potty trains soon so that diapers IN GENERAL are in the end of their phase.

Additionally, I am happy to report that Z has been better (or maybe I've been more patient). I feel like she's whining less (or again, like I'm dealing with it better). I feel like she really gets upset the most when there is something she feels she has to do and for some reason she can't. Either frustration or a parent telling her to stop what she's doing for various reasons (for example, if she wants something, but we think she's going to hurt herself the way she's going about getting it). She's been really helpful and sweet and even eating better. She still does her stubborn thing or doesn't want to listen, just like every kid, but she's pretty awesome. Lyla is definitely entering her "2's", but she's still pretty rockin' as well. I love how much they love each other. I really feel like we have such a cool little unit going on.

That reminds me. Some times people think I want, or will want, more kids. I suppose the idea could come to me, but I really don't think I'll seriously want more. Kids are cute, and I do like them, but there are so many reasons I don't want to even go there. For one, I can't afford it. I don't think it would be fair to the kids that ALREADY exist to make more that I don't, as of right now, have ANY obligation to. I have a hard enough time paying attention and caring for Z and L, and I stress SO much, more than anything, about providing for them. Making more, if I can help it, is not really part of the solution.

Secondly, they are so close in age and relationship that any new baby years later will be totally on it's own like an only child. That, and I'm really not interested in having another one so soon, even if I were financially able, and I'm SURELY not interested in having any after 30 (I'm physically destroyed enough as it is. Don't believe me? I pee myself). So there is the impossiblility of a time frame that just doesn't exist. I really love having them as my two little ones, and that they have each other. Sure, I said I wanted more before I had any, but as many new parents soon learn, you tend to change your mind about something once you actually learn what it's like!

And I suppose that's it for now.

A little bit Jealous

I've noticed over the past few months I sometimes feel a little jealous of my single-child friends. I tried to not to let it show, but after thinking about it, I feel like its something I can address and be honest about.

I know that when its your only child it can be hard because its the first time, the whole thing is new, and even one kid can be a difficult. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Mr. Bright Eyes Van Luyn!) ;)

Now, I want to appreciate that I have two adorable kids, and I do, but its definitely hard to hear other parents complain. I felt like I would get along well and relate to other parents, but I just feel like I'm completely losing my mind and would do anything to get a moments peace. Because the truth is, when I'm with just ONE kid, GOSH life seems so much easier. I know its probably all bullshit, but it just seems like life would be so gloriously easy. I feel like I would have had the opportunity to play with the child and talk to the child and actually focus on that one child. Even just to WORRY about just one child. Go out with them and feed them, and maybe myself, deal with their tantrums with full attention, stop them from creating twice as much of a mess, hug them, nap with them, take pictures of them, basically be like a team. And in all honesty, I miss that.

They are so close, I barely remember having just one. And even though I did want a sibling for Zalah eventually, even for that short time, I was sort of upset that Lyla was coming along so soon. (Not that she isn't totally awesome.) I wanted to cherish those moments, and well, I never really could. At least not unencumbered by other things going on around us due to the other kid. Granted, its even easier when the one I have to watch for the time being is Lyla, because she is so sweet and easy going. But even when its Zalah, who is a more difficult personality BY FAR as well as at a more difficult age, its still easier than both since the attention is all on her. Sometimes I think if I had two "Lyla" type personalities it might be better, but just more than one person to keep your eye on is always a lot. Parents who have more than two I think are just crazy. Once you hit two, you should know better!! :P

People who come from big families say that they all were treated with love as individuals, but I find it hard to believe. How can ONE woman physically take care of a large number of children, let alone nurture them and talk to them on a deeper level?

So really its a combination of everything: the fact that there are two, that they are so close in age and the fact that *one of them* is soooooo much more difficult to deal with.

Now before you think I'm evil, let me say that I do love Zalah, she's quirky and silly and cute and super smart. But WOW is she tough. She's not really super aggressive or mean, but she's BOSSY, PICKY, and WHINY.

1. She tells us what to do. She doesn't listen. When she wants it, she means NOW. She bosses Lyla around and tries to discipline her and even hurts her because she doesn't realize her strength. She sees what we do, but when *we* do something to discipline them, we know how to do it without actually causing damage. But she's only 2 so she doesn't know better.
2. She won't eat ANYTHING. The only thing she really eats is grains. Not just 'white' things, but just bread-products. Pasta, cereal, that kind of thing. Sometimes cheese, or whatever it is that week. I have to follow her around with everything and still she hardly eats. At least not variety. Even when she asks for these foods specifically, she usually doesn't finish it, if she even takes a bite. I remember it taking an HOUR to get her to eat a jar of baby food. :
   
3. She whines about EVERYTHING. She really can whine and cry for most of the day. This is partly age, but I remember how much I couldn't stand her behavior at 1+ years, while Lyla is almost two and she's so different. She hurts herself often. Really often. She 'sees' things in her room at night, she's always insulted or sad or hurt. This girl hardly ever smiles. Its sort of sad actually. :( She's the most serious kid I ever met. And she won't let you do what you need to do and have to do. So of course we want to be parents and set the limit, but it comes with whining whining whining. We can't stand it. Also, it brings in previously mentioned discipline, and then she thinks she can do it to everyone else too. She says she knows she is not the boss, but she doesn't act like it!

Just as I was writing this she broke a glass. And once I started typing again and took her off my lap, she cries. Now Lyla can have her freak outs too, but she usually doesn't cry as easily. Though sometimes when she does she just goes onnnnn and onnnn.

Still, I'm glad they have each other to be close to and start trouble with, because they're all the siblings each other is ever going to get!!!

Hood Life (Or something like it)

As most of you may know, we've moved to an area that's not quite the ghetto, it's just next door. Well there are many things I like about living here, such as sidewalks, shops we can walk to and overall friendly people. My mother in law says I get a sick thrill from walking through the hood. Oh? I think I just like to get my stuff done. But even the hollering boosts your self esteem even though you really know you look like shit and they guys are just constantly practicing with any and everyone 'to keep their game up'.

But there are some down sides, not the first of which is that Chaim's bike was very early on stolen from our back yard. (Don't worry, we hopped in the Batmobile down to the hood and found it ;D)

One thing that super sucks is that we don't have laundry access. I probably complained about this before because I knew it would mean the end of cloth diapering, which I was really upset about. (Though Chaim surely isn't...) It costs a hell of a lot more and we frequently run out of disposables. And I don't think I'll ever feel ok with throwing so many diapers out either. AND maybe Z would be potty trained too. :'(

But another two things that suck about it is the COST and the LOCATION. Granted, there are tons of laundromats around. Probably to be within walking distance of just about everyone. And they are. BUT with a double stroller I just can't make the distance. We finally dropped the $30 and bought a cart with wheels to bring our stuff around (everyone here has them-everyone!) but I can't push that and the stroller at once. I've tried to carry one baby and have the other walk, but that was before we even had the cart and even with it its still hard to have one walk and not run into crazy traffic while steering those bulky things. I've even thought of bungeeing the stroller and cart together! Now, when Chaim is around OR if I have the car, there is no problem. I just put all the kids and laundry in the car and go. Yea, its a pain to do laundry with the two little ones but there's no choice there. Or, if Chaim is home and I have the car, I can just go without them. That's the best. OR when we have car problems and therefore NO car, which seems to be the case often enough, we go with the stroller, the cart and two parents. BUT if there's no car and no husband, I can't go at all. Not unless I had a sitter and you can guess how often that's happened. When we lived upstate, we could never walk to a laundromat. As a matter of fact, I've never even been to one before moving here. But I didn't have to. We had machines in the house. They didn't always work and they were always full of our landlords stuff but at least they were there. Now if we have a barf crisis it really can become a crisis. Add that to the fact my cat is sick and peeing on EVERYONE'S bed WHILE the car is busted, and yea. Problems.

The same goes for food stores. We have a few bodegas but they sort of suck. Even the closest kosher store is one of the furthest walking-distance food stores and its not great. I can now carry some stuff in the stroller thanks to the new stroller having a basket on the bottom, but I can't get so much that I'd need the cart, because again, I can't push it while I have the kids. And stuff does get a bit beat up on the ride. :\

Another thing that sucks is that in this area you'd think there would be awesome public transportation. After all, so many people rely on it and we are the last few stops on the A train. But no, that too fails us. The stop closest to us only works going east, to the ONE LAST stop after it. Point!? So we can walk to that one or better yet, to the one further up, one stop closer to the city. But on the weekends, they are ALL closed. Yep. Not only is it the weekend schedule which takes about three hours to get anywhere, but they have to shuttle you all the way up the Rockaways to get on the subway. Now with kids, the shuttle bus becomes an ok-lets-stay-home-instead. Often, when the car worked, we just drove it to Brooklyn or Queens proper and took a train from there. Speaking of trains, they are so not stroller friendly. The city and Brooklyn are bad, but the Rockaways don't know the meaning of the word 'elevator'. I'm hoping to get a job in the city, and its good that at least I can get to the train without a ride, and the ride is probably just as long as it was from upstate, but its clearly far from seamless. At least if its for work there won't be kids with me and I can actually USE stairs. Gosh I miss those sometimes. Maybe that's why I'm getting portly.

This isn't really the fault of moving, but its really amazing how we walk or bike everywhere. You'd think I'd lose so much weight, yet I haven't lost a thing. Before I was just doing stuff at home and occasionally using the treadmill there. Here, I've walked FAR more than I ever did upstate, biked more, and even ran more the few times I've gotten to the gym (which I bike to). I still do those small workouts in my room and stretch, the only thing I don't do is breastfeed. Well apparently that's the kicker. I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight which is normal I guess but I was hoping I could stay where I was while nursing. I remember before I was pregnant I couldn't lose an ounce either. Not while eating at least, and I like eating. :D

We totally are into biking and its a good thing that so many things are close, or at least in biking distance, including Chaim's job at night when we really don't have a car. But as with the doing-ANYTHING-without-a-husband situation, I can't bike to any of these places without someone home with the kids.

Some things like a car or washer and dryer are definitely a huge investment and upfront cost. But sometimes I think not having them is even worse. At least if you have a washer you can use it as often as needed and though the water and energy bills will go up, at least you don't have to pay the same standard price for the machine. Not having a car means you have to pay for EVERY little ride/train/subway you take to get anywhere past walking distance. Often there is no way to get to where you need to be and car services are crazy. I don't even know if you can bother with car seats in them or how costly it would be for them to wait for you so you don't have to take the seats out while at an appointment or shopping. It becomes impossible.

Two in one sidetrack combo: The car, by the way, really does go on you when you need it most. I've had such a stressful week with not having the car while I needed to get my cat to the vet for a UTI. I wanted to BIKE to him if it meant getting there. He's about 6.5 miles away (and there's a stupid toll) but without a sitter (or car) I could not do it with the kids. Side track #2, you REALLY can't do anything with kids. Wow. When people say life as you know it is over, I assumed having fun and doing things for you. But no, it means being able to LIVE and go where you truly NEED to go. I feel like having kids makes me too busy to even be able to take care of kids. For example, the laundry situation coupled with the other problems we had today makes it impossible to get the kids peed on sheets washed for them. Chaim missed class to get it taken care of but that was all we could do. We just could not have time to do laundry. Or money really. I'm really surprised and thankful and PROUD that they were fed and changed while dealing with the car-cat-crisis situation today. That's how hard it is some days. That's how much it sucks.

As a plus, there are TONS of car shops around here. I don't know why, since so many people rely on public transit (good luck) but I guess many people have cars too. I guess there's just a whole lot of many people out here.

Another thing that bothers me about the lots of many people, is that SO SO SO many of them use the "N-word". We don't say the N word. We don't even JOKE about it. And even if I was plastered drunk and going native and saying it "in a friendly way" it still won't be uttered in front of the kids. Its just not something I want them to say. Well, now that they hear it 1,034,984,352,986,429,034 times a day, we'll have to see how that turns out.

It's actually pretty sad. There were little kids at the park the other day and they kept calling each other crack heads. Not everyone here is irresponsible/on drugs/bad parents etc, but its really sad that you hear it from the mouths of babes. :(

I also feel like its so expensive to live here, or anywhere really. But to be "broke" and in an economically disadvantaged area...yea its not so great. There are obviously not a lot of jobs close by, and you have to pay for EVERYTHING like laundry, rides etc. and almost always in cash. But more than that, when you're really broke, you get the crappiest stuff. Like we've had breathing issues since moving here since its more of a basement than the last place, but the last place had it too. We keep our apartments very clean, but there's always stagnation and sometimes mold in basements so I really feel like poor people just can't get good health. Never mind health CARE, which we have (when we can get a WAY to the office....also never mind that clinics seriously take all day. You can't do ANYTHING else.) Just that poor people aren't allowed to be or STAY healthy. Now that's fucked up. Some people don't believe health care is a right. I disagree, but we *should* all agree that people shouldn't get fucked over for not having more money. There are laws against it, but yea, no one cares. Maybe if everything was taken care of, from peeling paint to affordable healthy food, there wouldn't need to be such high bills for health care in these areas. And its sad but true, soo so so so many people here have a limp. I always thought that was a stereotype...but they do. (Shootings too but that's different. Maybe related. I don't know.)

Other things include broken glass everywhere, the pain in the ass of switching information over here, finding new doctors, getting to/dealing with the medicaid/food stamp office, people's dogs etc. And maybe its a fucked up stereotype and I'm usually so against them that people call me naive, but I do also worry about people around here especially if we're talking about daycare or something like that. And I don't mean one group I mean ANYONE. Even a Jewish place. The best ones of course I can't afford, so it would have to be peoples houses. And just in general I'm so used to being with the kids that I worry about ANYONE with them, but a daycare/full time babysitter would really have to feed them and deal with them on a longer term basis. The only people I know and trust work during the day lol.

I'm sure there is more but I just felt compelled to write about that for now.

It's been a long while.

So in May we moved to Bayswater. The mosquitoes here suck. I graduated with a BA and it means nothing. But I've learned I can clean practically anything. Not out of skill but out of repetition. The kids are completely insane. I really wish I could get out of the house and have some sanity but that hasn't happened thus far. I've learned a few recipes but even cooking counts as "me time" meaning the kids don't let you do it.

Because of the move to a more 'urban' area, we don't have access to a washer and dryer anymore. I'd been using friends but just yesterday went to a laundromat for the first time ever. Zalah likes to call it the laundry-pants store. That shit is expensive. I still take darks home to line dry. Also, I'm not opposed to some light tub washing. BUT because of this, we don't cloth diaper anymore. Chaim is tickled pink, but the cost of diapers sucks. While we cloth diapered for those few months, I had a huge Costco box of diapers for Lyla and hardly made a dent. Since moving I think I've bought two at least, maybe three. I'm actually upset about it. :(

We also haven't composted, though I thought about it. We brought five of our six attempted tomato sprouts and out of five that grew short, four grew well for a while. But they were started too late and never made fruit, and just keep wilting in this terrible humid climate. :(

A bonus is that we live close to the beach and far from other bullshit, but everything has its complications. The apartment is nice, big, fairly decent but boiling hot. Except when we don't have hot water but I never shower in it anyway. I've made new friends and try to see new and old, but its tough to get it all done. I think I could manage to see people and run errands, but its the unexpected things and getting kids to get ready, eat enough, and have enough with you to handle the everyday basics and the random Oh-shit moments, like Lyla barfing in the car seat.

The kids. Ah the kids. They don't eat well, they don't sleep well, and then they try to say they want to eat when it's time for bed. 'Terrible ones' eat your hearts out. Zalah can really throw them now that she's two. Lyla can also still have her moments, but I do think much is personality and Lyla seems more calm. Zalah is very serious, even though she's sweet and likes to help, and gets frustrated easily and is very bossy. She says very funny things though, such as "Don't make me mad!", "Don't tell me no!", "I like people. We have to be nice. We can't fight.", and "Seriously!?". Lyla is talking more too, saying "gubby" for "Buggy" and little things she repeats after us. Z won't potty train, and Piotr has decided to pee all over the bath mat and outside his box. Fabulous. I gained weight that won't go away, yes, even with diet and exercise. Even with living in a sauna and chasing kids til you sweat, every single day. Must be that I can't Zumba every day... Piotr's not so slim either. Chaim just started working at a gym though, so that should help him, and it would help me if I ever had a babysitter. At least I'm not pregnant.

I'm not sure what else to say, though I bet there is more. I'm currently exhausted and have to pick Chaim up from work. The kids FINALLY went to bed after trying for a good two hours. :P At least the place is fairly clean, if not boiling hot.

I'm going back to the start...

This last semester of school has been a trip. With two babies, senior classes (even though its only three...), both parents in school, no jobs, worries about apartment situation I really haven't had much time to blog! But one thing I do notice is that Lyla is now about the age Zalah was when I first started this thing. She was little, sweet, slept at night and full of smiles. What the hell happened!??! Now she's more like Zalah was at this age: whiny, clingy, fussy, a grump. What happened to my cute little munch!?


She refuses to sleep alone, doesn't eat well, and I can NOT put her down. She's throwing those one-year-old-tantrums that are less funny than Zalah's terrible-twos.



(Yes, she's saying "Oh my god!")

Zalah meanwhile, can tell me what she wants, and even though its sort of a pain to raise a child who wants to do things herself and make a huge mess in process, its something I know they need to do. Her new thing is feeding herself cereal with milk and you'd better not try to hold the spoon for her. But she's learning, and she likes to feed Lyla too. She does a lot of freelance art on anything, still rips apart books, and asks questions about everything; more so "whatcha doin?" and "wuzzat?" more than the dreaded "why?" but I can feel it coming...

Although she's becoming independent, I do notice she likes to be by herself sometimes in social situations as well. I'm starting to see the formations of a personality even more so now than before. She's definitely smart, easily frustrated and sometimes likes her space, but I think she'll be very close and true to her friends and family, and an overall caring person.

Lyla...well Lyla just screams.

She's starting to nod her head and say some words, which is cute. The best is when she says 'yes' but looks just like a fish flapping its mouth really quickly. I'll try to get a video of that one.

Looking back, my descriptions of them when I started this blog might not be the same today. It makes me wonder, what really is their personality and what really is just the age they are in? Because Lyla, like Zalah, has a bad case of the 'terrible-ones'.

Toys of Today (and Parenting Methods)

For the most part, I think a healthy mix can be a great idea. My philosophy is similar to that of my friend, Sarah Fader, that old school advice and new school attitudes can mesh pretty nicely. The problem is, the old school is hard to find.

Lyla just had a birthday party. Now I've been a mom for about two years, but Chaim and I noticed how there really are hardly any toys that don't beep blink and sing. I appreciate that my family wants to buy fun toys for the kids, but where have all the natural toys gone? We have a few books and stuffed animals that the kids love. They also have some blocks that range from excellent (stacking board blocks with numbers and animals that fit into each other) to sort of crappy (foam Lincoln blocks!? Maybe for the bath, but they don't stand up!). I worry because the more the kids see these toys, the more they want only that kind. That was demonstrated last night when we tried to put Zalah to bed and she flipped out because she wanted to play with Lyla's new toys. She is usually pretty well behaved, brilliant and sweet, and she turned into the terrible-two's modern day brat. I don't like to see that AT ALL! She even asks for TV now that she's seen a very little bit of it. Sometimes these toys or shows can be educational, which is great. Zalah has learned all of her letters from a few toys that repeat them, and I don't mind an occasional PBS kids program. But something is missing.

When I was a kid, my mom used to get us educational toys from a number of catalogs. I think one was MindWare and HearthSong. I miss these kinds of toys and I want my kids to be excited about learning and problem solving as well. I believe there needs to be some straight up fun in life too, even in addition to fun that is functional. But when it causes so many tantrums and a snowball effect of needing mind-numbing electronics, some balance needs to be restored.

As a sort of off shoot that is inspired by a few sources today; I know many people think that if you are in the least bit natural you are a snot and rigid. Well I happen to be neither. I know things won't always go my way, they'll have tantrums and other people will give them junk food. I don't flip out over these things and try to be pretty easy going. But I know my kids will be better behaved if they don't get spoiled with junk (physical and mental) 24-7. And I know that every one else around them wants that too! No one wants to hear kids screaming out in public because they don't get what they want. While this is bound to happen, some kids and parents are more prone to it than others. And besides from all of that, people should also relax a little and let others do what they want to do. I try to keep my criticism of other moms to a minimum. (For a well written discussion about this and a great blog in general, feel free to visit my wonderful friend Amanda's blog.) What works for one doesn't always work for another and its hard enough just to make kids into decent people to begin with, and it isn't always the parents fault. Sometimes kids are bad, sometime good plans backfire. With all that said, I want to have some control as a parent over what my children have in their lives, but to be strict on it means other people think you are too inflexible and kids feel stifled. Yet a parent is in control (or should be) and children don't always know what is best for themselves. They don't have an excess switch, and sadly, many adults don't either. Everything is a balance anyway, but it sure is hard to find one that works for everyone in the best way. (See this Sirens article for some more of my inspiration today.) This is why I urge people to do what they think is best, and please don't criticize other methods. We need a little more understanding and harmony in the world today.

Cloth Diapering Revisited

I am a multi-tasker. Sometimes this works out, sometimes I end up in the middle of twenty things that are unfinished. (Usually this is because some "child-crisis" happens. On my own, I can finish things up pretty nicely.) The reason this relates is because I recently tried cloth diapering, and being me, I felt guilty not going in 110% and diapering BOTH kids at the same time. This is for green reasons as well as practicality; the "It's here, why not" idea. As you can see, that didn't work out so well because its going from 0-2(massive-poops-in-cloth-simultaneously) not to mention my inexperience with it since I started late in the game, while they were older. Since then, I've only been cloth diapering Lyla, the one year old. While she isn't a newborn anymore and has solid bowel movements, it was definitely a lot easier. Firstly, one year old poops compared to two year old poops are very VERY, did I say VERY different!? Starting out at least from here is a lot easier than just going straight to the danger zone. And at least hers come off better than Zalah's. I worry a little that she isn't drinking enough, but maybe Zalah is just eating too many prunes!

Now, I'll be hoping to keep cloth diapering her until she is also older, age two if that is necessary. But that brings the second point; its just one of them. I guess I didn't want to think "one more" would complicate things further, but if you think about it, its double duty. Double doody. It's not the most fun job around, but it is a whole lot easier.

I do wish that Zalah had the benefit of potty training earlier, but since I started (and finished) cloth diapering her so late, she would have none of it. She HATED being in them, and I don't blame her. Even Lyla hates it, but I can force her a little easier for now. I sort of wish I had started earlier for this reason, but my original hesitancy was access to the washer and dryer, and lo and behold, they are broken. Having half as many diapers, however, has made that situation bearable since I just take them to a friends house and have to do that less often then before. Maybe Lyla will potty train earlier (I was aiming for 2 years old in general) because of the cloth diapers and big sister influence.

There are some things that I now appreciate since the whole thing has become a bit easier for me. The cloth diapers REALLY DON'T LEAK. That is incredible. I feel like younger babies leak more in general, but one would think cloth would leak as well. Nope, that part has been problem free. Rather they absorb all over, so its wet right under her belly button and all through the front, but not outside. (I can see why they hate that feeling though!) And these babies REALLY do absorb!! Some days I change her 3-4 times like I did in disposables. Nice.

There also really is NO rash. It seems impossible, but her tush is nice and clean and peachy. :) I sometimes even forget to wipe her after a pee pee! When I cloth diapered both, I had to wash the diapers so frequently, that they ended up in disposables half of the time anyway. Since I've switched to Lyla exclusively, she's only been in disposables while I wash them, and that's now less often. I still only have two covers, so I just wash them both when I do a load, hence the need for disposables at all. I never have gone through all of my diapers in one load. I have 18 in all, and my usual load is about 12 or so. Maybe I should invest in a few more covers!

That brings the next issue: the covers. Previously I mentioned how they smell a lot. They still do, sort of, but I've let it go and reuse them, sometimes all day. I think actually washing them in a machine that WORKED helped get rid of the smell. Sometimes I also air them out overnight while she's in another one and that also takes off some of the pungency. *Speaking of pungent and diapers....they both need some right now!*

That brings me to how I clean them. This is sort of gross, but if they are just pee or a poop that comes off easily, I rinse them in the sink. Then I do the rest of the steps. Today, however, Lyla had a sticky poo. First, I scraped it off with my knife. *still gross, and no picture for that one...*

Then I emptied my bucket of dirty diapers, and rub off the excess with water in there.

This is the second or third wave, so the water isn't so murky anymore. I dumpy my 'brown water' in the toilet and usually that flushes the whole thing.

Next I wring it out and spray it with Bac-Out.

This is how much of a stain is left when I'm done with my pre-treat phase.

Then I hang it over the bucket edge to dry for a while, or until I need the space for a new one.

This way, the diapers aren't to stinky or covered in poo so I can afford to wait a teeny bit to wash them, and worry less about staining. I also bought a new cat litter that came in a tub, so I'm planning on using that as a second bucket so I stop getting my nice one all poo-filled.

I do feel pretty gross after this still, but Zalah's were FAR worse. Lyla is also in her wiggly stage (which is a pretty long lasting stage) so dressing her or changing her is always a challenge, but I guess that would be for disposables as well.

So thankfully, Cloth Diapering is looking up! Though I still think FuzziBunz are the best!

Someone Take My Breast Milk!

I am about to ween my baby girl Lyla. This is scarier than I expected, since I weened Zalah by just cutting her off, but I never stopped nursing completely. So alas, it's been two years roughly, of straight nursing! I have a picture of when I last nursed Zalah, when she was 11 months old. It was in the hospital after Lyla was born, and seeing me nurse made Zalah very upset. So there it was; one on each side! Nursing has its ups and downs, the smallest of which is that it can be a pain to do and sometimes it feels irritating to have a little wet mouth on your boobs all the time. But it's special too, and I will miss that now that I won't have it. Lyla is my little baby in a string of constant babyness for the past years, all of which will abruptly end when they are both suddenly toddlers. (LORD I CAN'T WAIT! :P) Although I don't want to nurse her for much longer, I don't know if I'm ready to stop making milk. I don't think I have a ton of it, and I do wonder how strong it is since they are so small, but I like being able to do it and I would really love to be able to help out someone else while I still can. You've got to admit, it's a rare opportunity!

So I posted on Luach that I wanted to donate and looking for numbers. I received two emails back and called one of the numbers (for Bikur Cholim). They gave me some woman's number, and she is going to see if she knows anyone who needs it. She asked me how many bottles I had, so I guess they are just looking for frozen. I also emailed the hospital nearby but am waiting to hear. Pumping is a pain and I know its a big commitment. Even if there isn't a specific person you donate too (which there usually is because of allergies etc) you would still have to pump often enough to keep it going. I have heard that certain hospitals will come and pick up your fresh supply daily. That would be great.

I know I don't have all the time in the world, but I've thought about this for a little while and think its something I really want to do (or at least try!) I will keep you posted on the progress! And if anyone knows where to go next, please pass on the info!

Picture from http://sirensmag.com/ which is my new favorite site!

Cloth Diapering Hell

So I started cloth diapering part time in the beginning of the month. I really want to like it, I do. But I HATE it!! :( This morning is a great example of WHY. Last night, I thought I should put them both in cloth diapers. I want to use them as much as possible, and I find that I'm actually either away from the house a lot or the covers are not clean, so they end up in disposables. So I went with it. I had done it before, but this weekend we were WAY too exhausted. I woke up to screams at about 7:30, which to us is far too early than what we'd like. Zalah has been in our room so that Lyla can learn to sleep through the night. But Zalah has been waking up around 3am and not going back to bed with us, even when we try. Last night she did just that, after we went to bed at 2am! I wouldn't even mind getting up at 7, which I have to do for days I have class anyway, but I try to get to bed at 12 or so. Also, its harder when I'm awake at night, and I think so far they've both slept through the night together only once or twice. :P So at 7:30, it was Lyla's screams that woke me. She had a 'light' poop stuck onto the diaper so while half asleep I changed her. I went to try to clean it off with a plastic knife that I keep for the purpose and then rub it off under running water in either the sink or bucket. I also used to clean the toilet and sink with cleaner after each time because of the fact that it gets where people, especially the kids, can touch. I can't do that anymore. I then added it to my pail with ample baking soda (I think I went through a box in a week or so...it doesn't really help). Zalah was up soon after, full of pee. Chaim has been complaining it reeks like a urinal, and he's not really wrong. So now I rinse those, over and over, as the water turns a little less yellow. My hands reek from doing this. My hands are in water so much of the time anyway, which of course hurts in the New York winter air. I constantly get sprayed with water that is full of excrement. The poop smell never seems to leave me. This morning could have been even worse with double poop duty. Before I used to fold the diapers in a way that the poop got on all the edges and scraping it was a battle. Now its a little better, but I'm always dumping the water with poop bits in it, to get them clean enough to sit in a bucket for a few days before I can get to the laundry. And since I don't use that many, I don't want to do a load that's barely full. This morning was so bad for us, we forced them to go to bed early and we slept on and off until one. :\ After having little sleep all weekend, and basically we don't get much to begin with, we really couldn't take it.

Here comes the second problem: The covers. If they go to the bathroom in them, pee or poop, even without leaks, they REEK! I tried to hand wash them and air dry them, with detergent and baking soda, and they STILL smell. I don't even think they are so fresh after the washer has a go at them. Because I only have two covers, they don't last so long without smelling so once that happens and I wash them, I have to use the disposables again. And there are times I've tried to hand wash all of it, only to put it in the washer anyway because it just doesn't come clean. Today I finally did my load of maybe 12 of them, the covers, the one FuzziBunz I have and some socks for filler. I did it TWICE and still found poop bits afterwards. The second time I used bleach, because I really needed it. The stains have never come out before. After the bleach load, they looked cleaner, except for the one Lyla made this AM. Better than nothing. The covers still smell a little, but its not so bad. (I didn't bleach those.) The kids also HATE being put into the cloth diapers. I asked Zalah if it hurts her and she says no, so maybe it is just the folding and pulling or maybe its how they feel different to them. I don't know. Lyla is in the age where she can NOT sit still for any diaper, which is super annoying.

Despite all this, I keep trying, though every time I hit a "poop" bump in the road it becomes so overwhelming. (They both just pooped, and I'm so GLAD they're in disposables!!) I know it might help if I had more access to a washer, or a sprayer or liners or more covers or all of those things. But that all costs money and I'm not sure if its worth the investment so far into it. Also, I wanted to do this when Zalah was first born, and maybe it would have been easier to start when she had those little mustard squirts for poops. Now I have two "big girls" who have BIG poops, and lately none are the kind that come off easily. This is gross, but they are sticky, tarry and wet. It is a constant battle.

I have to say, the FuzziBunz is THE BEST. I wish I could have a whole supply of them, even from day one. They are SO easy, I haven't had a leak (with the prefolds either really, which is great!). Fuzzibunz are smaller and I think that keeps them easier to clean. It seems like the material is also easier to rub the poop out of. Also they seem to be easier to put on, the bulkiness factor is less and they feel nicer.

I still think cloth diapering is great for the money factor, but all the time I spend cleaning them and how gross I feel afterward really subtracts from that. The kids have less of a rash in them, which is important, but they hate how they feel. They are better for the environment and don't really leak, so in a way they are functional, but depending on the type they can be quite difficult. I wish it was easier!!!! Someone send me a doody nanny!!!

Insanity!?

So because I recently decided to become more insane, I've decided to cloth diaper, at least part-time. I'll keep you posted on how it goes, or maybe I won't, since the kids don't even let me go to the bathroom without screaming bloody murder and bothering me. :D

Commune livin'!

Since the last post, my sister had some trouble with her rented room in someone else's apartment, and needed a place to stay. About the same time that I said she could stay on our futon (finally a new couch! Couldn't have come at a better time either!) we had friends who also needed a place. They would crash 'randomly' on the futon, but I realized it was becoming more of a problem for them when prospective apartments didn't work out. So I kept telling them to stay with us, too. Then my sis could stay in our extra bed in our on days they stayed over. Well that became every night and our family of four became a family seven (plus an extra cat!) I have yet to take a picture of all of us that everyone approves of being released... but yes, seven people to two rooms. Other than Princess Z of course, who has her own room at night. Lyla stays in our room still, but as I've noticed over the past few days, she does NOT like to sleep. I used to put Zalah out in the living room at night to get her used to sleeping alone. I can't do that now as there are people there, so we usually put her to bed in our room before we go to bed ourselves. Sometimes we forget, and she sleeps ok with us. But lately its been a massive undertaking to get her to sleep at night, with her persistent Capricorn self screaming for hours at a time! Unless I'm right there next to her of course. That being its own difficulty, I rather like living with a lot of people. We all have different schedules so its not usually too crowded, though we do still often have company. I like that I have help from EVERYBODY and no longer have to pick up my sister from the train or be the only one to drop of Chaim. He also gets a ride some days with our roommates to school. They all help with food, dishes and cleaning, and I actually had time to clean the bathroom (while giving my kids a bath at the same time, nonetheless...) but its something I wouldn't normally have too much time for. I kept the place pretty clean on my own, but with two babies and all their work plus house and school there was a bit of dust here and there. I do feel badly when we stay up late in the living room and the mates are tired, or when we go to bed late and my sis is already trying to sleep in there. Many people can't tolerate that kind of living, and it is difficult at times. But I think the women like each others company (at least I need it!) and we all get along fairly well. We haven't fought too much, at least not with each other. I like the idea of communal living, and I like that it's working out for me. We take care of each other, and because we have shared responsibility, it isn't a crisis if someone else leaves something that needs to be cleaned because we all clean up after each other. We don't keep tabs because we see it as fair since we all share work evenly. It isn't regimented and strict, actually the way I see real communal living is laid back and just having the respect to help each other out. I think its when you give everyone too specific of a chore that it becomes "YOU didn't do YOUR job". While my husband usually took out the garbage (or at least I tried to get him to) we've all done it in turn, and try to not complain too much that we did his job. The only time that happened a lot was when I was alone with him and felt like I was doing 99% of the domestic work, even when he no longer had a job. While I still think I do much of the work, I get help from people who really mean to help. We don't give them a deadline to leave or make them pay for things, and I try not to ask too much from them and not do anything myself. Maybe because it is relaxed, they volunteer their help more readily. This helps relieve some of my stresses and we all get time to study (sort of).

Sisters, sisters

So I haven't written in a while, here I am again. I knew that would happen, not like having two babies causes any sort of dizziness and disappearance of time...there I am again. But now I am back to school. Away I go again! Wonderful Kean University in Union NJ, only an hour away and a 6am wake up. How refreshing! But I do have to say, my older sister comes by train to babysit when I have classes, and I really appreciate that. It makes me think of how important siblings are and how I wish my mom had about 20 others just to help me out. :) But Zalah has Lyla and Lyla has Zalah. I keep thinking about how miserable I was to find out I was pregnant again (and to BE pregnant again!). Maybe it just looks better from the outside, but I keep thinking that *if* I ever got pregnant again, I would try to like it. (I'm even thinking of the possibility of natural birth again!! HELLO INSANITY! :D) I do love the little ones, little Lyla especially makes me want to eventually possibly have one more. (Because I know she will have to grow up! :( I can't even accept that yet.) But even if I don't have any more, I just feel blessed that they are so close (now that its OVER WITH!) and they have each other. They get along so well, I know they truly love each other and that it was meant to be this way. <3>my own sanity!

In the meantime, I am obsessed with being a belly dancer! Who knew those moves were so hard!!

I have two kids!?

I'm usually so busy with two kids that I don't have time to think about it, much less write about it. But then sometimes I stop and I reflect on it, and I say "I have two kids!?" It seems like I've had an infant forever. But that infant is also growing up, and I see that every day. Then at the same time, I see my baby, and I wonder "I have a baby? Where did that come from!? I don't feel like I just had a baby." I'm confused. But really, I love to marvel at Lyla, I don't feel like I should have a baby this small, yet I do. It's cliched, but it is precious, and I love it. Actually, I must say at least a thousand times a day how I don't want her to grow up. Zalah can be the one we watch grow, and Lyla can stay a baby forever! Yea right, but I wish she could!And I also love to see Zalah do amazing things as she grows at the same time. It is pretty disorienting, but I try to appreciate how awesome it is to still get to have a precious little one when most parents are still rocking one at this stage. Its not a contest or anything, but this is usually the time when parents want a sibling for their child/ren or just miss the infancy that ends as the child grows into their own individual person.


On a similar note, Zalah pooped in the potty and it was the most exciting thing ever.

Love the Leash

I've been away in California visiting my super awesome grandmother for the past two weeks. (Ok, I've been home for a while, things are busy, you know!?) No matter where you go on vacation, if you have the kids, it's still tough. Sometimes even more so than at home where you have everything you need and don't have to worry about baby-proofing. Well, to help ease this situation, we chanced upon something that I thought about possibly buying before while at a store one day. I'll tell you what it is in a minute. It couldn't have come at a better time. I think because of the loss of control we have while so far away and the child's strong desire to explore and leave you in their dust, we felt really overwhelmed. So we went for it; we bought a baby leash. I know many people are really against them, but you know what? I love it. Zalah loves it. We all think its a great thing. She has the freedom to explore a little but not be far from us. Now, I know what you are thinking, why not just hold her hand? Well she really hates that. And just walking a few feet behind her is not predictable enough, she could always run off too fast or get into something. And it is easier to forget about her that way or get distracted. Maybe the idea is also so the parent is more aware and not just for the child.
We tried it out for the first time at the beach. In California, the beach is often very small, and there is hardly any sand at all in high tide. We parked on the street and went down cement steps to get to the beach at a part that was pretty rocky and closer to the water to start out with then over to the left or right. Well a large wave came and scared Zalah and knocked her on her butt and side. It wasn't very high where we were standing, maybe about her waist sitting down, but because she fell in, I was able to pull up on the strong harness that clips across the chest in two places to help lift her up before I could get my arm around her. I thought right away how great this thing is. She loves feeling independent with her monkey friend on her back, and I know she is safe and in my watch.We also brought it to the San Diego zoo, so if she got tired of the stroller (which she always does) we could take her out and let her have a little more room to get to know the animals. She loved that. In fact, she loves animals so much, that she grabbed on the bars and wouldn't let go! Even when I tried to take her off to take her into the petting zoo!
I think its a great invention. I know many parents and people disagree on using it, but if I see a fellow parent with one, I'll understand. I know it's hard to even use it because you always wonder what people think, but we think it works, so we just don't focus on that. And maybe for all the doubters, this will give you the other opinion!

Carlos & Gabby's!

I have to start by saying, yesterday was amazing. Chaim was a sweetheart and bought me a day at the spa, which was so wonderful. He is the best! After that I was supposed to meet a friend in Brooklyn, so we decided to try out Carlos and Gabby's afterward. We had tried their nachos before because they have a location by our friend Jack's house, but wanted to try more.

I'm not writing a review, but I thought the food was great. They gave a lot for the price, which for kosher food was pennies. (O yea! Its kosher!) What I did want to write about is the experience with the other random diners that night.

When we got there, Zalah was already pretty grumpy and over tired. I immediately stole bells and maracas off the counter and then asked if I could give it to her to play with. I was dressed a tab bit old school for me, including knee high combat boots with skulls on the toe. I had to do a quick transformation earlier, but what a difference a skirt makes! I wondered if people would think I was just a rebellious kid, but I didn't focus on it too much. Besides, I'm not trying to be rebellious, I am rebellious! And the clothing just happened to be situational, I don't do it everyday anymore. Zalah got anxious and wanted to walk around a few times, and being herself, she just went right up to random people at their tables and would babble and wave. So many people were nice to her, talking back and saying how cute she was. She climbed the stairs and got angry when I took her back down to go home, and had a screaming fit including throwing her maraca across the room. I looked at the table next to me and apologized because I thought she might have hit them with it. The woman said "Its ok, I came out here to escape this kind of thing!" I laughed and said I feel bad that she didn't avoid it in the end, but she was cool about it. I strapped Zalah in and said "If you don't behave, we'll marry you off to gypsies when your 13!" I noticed the woman with a blonde shaitel and a Bugaboo stroller a few tables up started to laugh. As we were passing her table, I tried to maneuver our double stroller through her stroller and the nearest tables. She tried to move it for us, but there wasn't room so just moved the tables. Since I try to be nice, and we were already so well acquainted with the whole dining room, I asked if she had a girl or a boy and the age. She said it was a boy who was three months old. He was adorable, laying down sleeping in the stroller. (Now I see why they are so desirable! No need to pack a crib! Though you could probably buy a much cheaper knock off.) I told her the girls ages, and then she gushed "You guys are like, angels! You're so chilled out, you don't get mad." I was totally taken aback! I didn't even think about how people were watching our reaction to the kids behavior, let alone how she could think that with Miss Goth Queen of the Universe as their mother! I felt like that was very nonjudgmental of her to see past the image to what was really happening. But of course I had to snap back to reality, so I replied "Oooo no.... we get mad!" "I know! Sometimes you just want to scream!" She said. "Yea, there are days when I just have to put them down somewhere and go outside to really scream or something." I reassured her. I wish I had some snazzy blog cards like Sarah to hand out at that moment! But I didn't, and maybe my blog would have scared her, so we said good luck and good bye. And you know, I really felt good after we left. That's such a great compliment for us. Even though we know its not always true, it feels good to know that maybe sometimes, we can handle it. We weren't trying to impress anyone there, we just wanted to keep the kids happy for themselves and everyone, and we do that a lot with jokes and being silly. So many people criticize your parenting style or don't understand your sense of humor with them, so its such a great relief to find people who do. It was so sweet of her to admire us and say something about it. And kids are great for causing conversation among cool strangers!


Then I had a nightmare about hipsters who didn't give me any ice cream! >:(

And then a strange thing happened...

We know my little quirky, weird Zalah is a handful. She explores what she wants, and gets mad if you take her away. Even if she put herself in a dangerous situation and doesn't understand why we don't let her do what she wants to.


She's funny, she makes us laugh, and she's full of personality. Like most babies, her favorite word is "no!" even if no one said anything to her first! When it is in response, I often find myself saying "That's not a yes or no question." She runs off and dances around to any music, anytime. And I really did have to tell her not to eat the lube.


But amazingly, she's starting to listen. She doesn't always do what I say or want, but I've noticed that when I ask her nicely and slowly, she's starting to comply. For example, she got her ears pierced a few weeks ago, and hated when I had to clean them. About a week after it was done, I cleaned her ears with a q-tip, something she always let me do, and then asked her nicely if I could clean her earrings. She squirmed a little, but was much better than before. Then we started asking her to bring a toy she was holding to someone else, or "Go show daddy!", and she's doing it! We are really happy that the wild child takes some direction, and for a 16 month old, she's a pretty good listener! There are times I've wanted to sit on her to cut her nails, or force her to do something. But I know from her personality and mine, that it doesn't always work to force a child into something. It can be traumatizing, and doesn't give them way to learn to deal with it on their own as they grow. They get used to fighting back and don't realize that something, like cleaning a cut, might not be so bad. This is why we are so happy that she now listens (sometimes) and doesn't have to have a bad experience with some things. I can't get her to listen always, like that the doctors office won't hurt her (maybe because it's bullsh*t...) but it sure is a nice relief that she's starting!

Sometimes...

Attack of the Roids!

Warning: I might get graphic.

Remember when we were teenagers and we all joked about hemorrhoids? Well I think we pay for these kinds of things later in life. My loving relationship with hemorrhoids started when I was first pregnant with my second daughter, but I didn't know it yet. I have another love affair with varicose veins when I'm pregnant, and their vulvar. Oh, the joys of parenthood!

Well last week they got really bad. I'll spare you. I don't usually take a Tylenol, but I was scrounging up meds. Yes, percocet became my new lover for a few short days. It was that bad. Finally I got a referral and appointment to see Dr. Kram. That alone was enough to make me feel better. The actual appointment, however, was embarrassing. FINGER IN THE BUTT! By that time, it had shrunk a good amount so he just wrote me a prescription for "Anusol" (after some prodding) and sent me on my way. What a fun week I had!

A Little Bit More About Us

Let's start with Zalah.
Zalah just turned 16 months old. She is beautiful, precocious, quirky and my little drama queen. She's at that age where she makes funny excited faces when she sees something she likes. That's fun. She also screams instantly if I leave the room. That's not fun. This includes the bathroom or shower, so she likes to come along. >:( She makes an "Mmm" sound and rubs her belly if I make something she likes. She especially likes olives. Fun. She also throws food on the floor or rubs it all over herself. Quasi fun. She explores and climbs on everything, even though she didn't want to walk until she was 15 months! Now she's all over. I tried to let her go in the drugstore, but she had a new medication every time I turned around to put back the previous one. It would have been funny if she had reached the condoms. I wasn't kidding about telling her not to eat the lube. She's learning how to say some words, with her favorite being "Lyla". She also likes to attack the cat, who takes it so well!

Piotr Lev!

Just now as I was looking for a good picture of her with the cat, she crawled under the cat fence, played in his food and water and took a big poop. Maybe that's because she decided to eat all of my prunes...now when she has a stomach virus and I have to hose her off so often from butt explosions.

Lyla! Lyla is overall a great baby. She is about to hit 5 months. She slept 6 hours at night from only a few weeks old. She doesn't cry too often, considering that I forget she's there while Zalah is awake. She's smiley and sweet and laughs at things that aren't really funny, but it makes me laugh that she does it! Sometimes she does cry, and after a day of Screaming Zalah, its hard to take a peep from Lyla. She enjoys making sounds and screeches, but its cute. Also, she's small and can't really move from where I put her, which has its benefits!

This image describes them perfectly!

Sexy Chaim, my hubby. This hot youngin' is 23 and all mine. He was just working for a shitty ticket company, but really wants to go back to school in the fall for science or bio. He might be a science teacher, or go on to Occupational Therapy or Nursing. We're not sure yet. He's sweet and great with the kids and our favorite hobby is fighting. Relax, I'm only half joking! We're both pretty firey, though he seems very mellow and quiet. He's the kind of guy who says "THE BABY POOPED!" Thanks darling. Some nights he snags a waitering job.

This outfit also doubles as a costume for his other other night job.

But its much easier to talk about me. Where to start. Well, I'm 25. I like to read,when I can. I like to create things, like a goth chick knitting isn't the coolest thing you've ever seen. Really though, I always liked to create clothes and other things even if they were not so great, out of need and creativity and boredom. I also like to rant and talk about important things and I'm sure I'll do some of that on here. I can't imagine seeing something morally wrong and not saying something about it. I love to listen to cultural, gypsy, bellydance, arabic, and world music along with many other styles like regge, electronic and of course some rock and metal and all that old jazz I used to dig. I love to dance, and if I may be blunt, my most favorite activity in the world ever is to have sex (with my husband ONLY!) Can you tell?

At night, when the children are asleep, we like to do puzzles.
(Photo Credit: Daniel Murtagh)

I like to work out, I'm not sure if I like to cook, but I don't buy pre-made foods, and I do like to try something new and experiment. I can't stand to waste, I recycle and reuse. I guess I reduce too. I don't eat meat either. I've always been partly hippy, you just can't see it. I can hardly pass by something if it needs to be done and not do it, even if I'm already doing a few other things, like diapering a baby. Then I have to clean the carpet from baby pee too. I'm always cleaning. I clean when I'm stressed or angry too. I guess I work well under pressure, but not too much of it. I'm still in the middle of a Sociology degree and I love it, but I don't know when I'll finish. Now I stay at home because it would barely pay to work and send them to daycare. I won't even make the argument that I can do it better because I don't know if I even believe that! But it is nice to have a parent around, that part I agree with. I'm quite silly sometimes and when the mood strikes I burst into incredibly chorus class show tunes, dance moves and all! Hey, I find it amusing! Even though I'm often tired, I have an energetic personality. I guess the term "goth girl" never did fully capture me.

Some people ask me why I'm so insane as to plan two kids so close together. Who said anything about a plan!?

I'm sure there is more that I can't think of now. I will try to keep my posts short and sweet, which is a stark difference from the suffering I usually put people through with my long rants that make the eyes bleed. :D