Attack of the Roids!

Warning: I might get graphic.

Remember when we were teenagers and we all joked about hemorrhoids? Well I think we pay for these kinds of things later in life. My loving relationship with hemorrhoids started when I was first pregnant with my second daughter, but I didn't know it yet. I have another love affair with varicose veins when I'm pregnant, and their vulvar. Oh, the joys of parenthood!

Well last week they got really bad. I'll spare you. I don't usually take a Tylenol, but I was scrounging up meds. Yes, percocet became my new lover for a few short days. It was that bad. Finally I got a referral and appointment to see Dr. Kram. That alone was enough to make me feel better. The actual appointment, however, was embarrassing. FINGER IN THE BUTT! By that time, it had shrunk a good amount so he just wrote me a prescription for "Anusol" (after some prodding) and sent me on my way. What a fun week I had!

A few Tips and Beauty Products I like

I don't have a ton of beauty tips, but I have a few. One easy one for moms is using Johnson's baby shampoo as face wash. It is an excellent make up remover, where even some face washes don't cut it. Its also great for styes. Just mix it with water to suds it up and rub it right on in, then rinse. If you are prone to them, it prevents them if you do it daily. It tends to dry the skin a tad (which is why it works on styes) so make sure to use moisturizer or don't use it often if your skin is too dry. (I'm loving Dove's face moisturizers!) Not to mention, its great on mom hair too!

I also like to do a rinse with vinegar sometimes, which is great to get out buildup, but it can smell. If you don't want to risk it, give Johnson's a try. I want to try Loreal's kids shampoo as well because they have a ton of great smells and I imagine it would leave hair feeling really soft!

I also like using Hair Mayonnaise or cholesterol in the summer. That also has a distinct smell if you use it as a conditioner, but I coat my hair in it just when I'm laying outside. It protects it, and I think it keeps the chlorine at bay too when you jump in. And speaking of protection, ALWAYS use sunscreen! I am a big believer in that, even though I forget sometimes!

Another conditioner trick is to put some water in the bottle when it's almost empty so the last bits come out easier. My sister made a big Dove squirt bottle full of her last bits of different conditioners. We called it "the conglomerate". And it worked so well because it had everything in it!

Don't underestimate things in your fridge as beauty products! The hair mayo you buy is called that because of how similar it is to the real thing. Lots of eggs for protein. But don't eat it. Just rubbing a cucumber peel on your skin refreshes and soothes it. Thanks Oma for that one! I've also tried lemon when I was pregnant and had bad skin, but watch out for that one! It can burn sensitive skin.


We're all dead tired, but sometimes you don't want to look that way. Some of my favorite (CHEAP!) fake awake tips and beauty products are:

Wake up your face first. Face wash is great but I feel like a new person after I use St. Ives Apricot Scrub. For a cheap and easy astringent, try witch hazel.
If you have dark circles under your eyes, like I do, you to hide them to look even slightly alive. We've heard tricks about cucumber and tea bags, but for a quick fix, under eye cream and a concealer work really well. I like Loreal eye defense, but it can run high especially in NY. Also, a quick eyebrow tweezing really opens up the face.

For cover up, I've tried a ton of stuff, and I know if I splurged I'd find great stuff, but for a budget I just use any stick. But my all time favorite face makeup is The Body Shops All In One Face base. Its a pressed powder but its thicker because you can use it wet. I don't, but I love the coverage and that it doesn't look caked on.
A nice gold shadow under brow, not too dramatic or thick, but with a hint of shimmer to lighten up that area works wonders. I use NYC color Shimmer pot in champagne.
Another must have for even a "minimal make up day" is mascara. I've tried Bad Gal lash from Sephora for $20, but I'm fine with Lash Blast or whatever the newest mascara is. They tend to be a bit chunky, so one tip I always used was to use an old mascara brush that's cleaned off and use it to brush out chunks. I think it works better than a comb. It also works to brush excess powder out of your eyebrows, which opens your eyes more. I also like waterproof mascara, hence needing a good make up remover and face wash! Another mascara problem is that it can get under your eye if you do your bottom lashes, which only makes you look more tired. A q-tip solves this problem. If you know its going to be a long day, skip eyeliner as it runs and just go for light shadow and mascara.My fav blush is Loreal true match in precious peach.It may not work for everyone's skin tone, but thankfully, their line makes it easy to find one that works for you. And most stores let you return makeup if it wasn't what it looked like. Ask before you buy! For a more dramatic look, I put a darker rose color under my cheek bone and blend it with the peach on my apples. Over all, I like Loreal a lot. I also used to love Le Grand Kohl eyeliner for ages. Their bare natural mineral line is pretty good too if you don't want to spend $60 on the real thing. I love the eye colors too for a sexy smokey eye look that's subtle but still noticeable.
I strongly recommend that women switch to waxing. I know its daunting at first, and seems time consuming, but its so worth it. The easiest is armpits. You don't have to shave for weeks and it grows in thinner so it gets less and less painful. Plus its quick, just one or two tries aught to do it. I recommend a sugar wax that is water soluble because I've ruined outfits before with thick cream waxes. I also say be brave and venture south. You can always try to just do a bikini first before going all out. Yes, it sucks. But its so much cheaper and less irritating. Watch out though! It aggravates hemorrhoids and varicose veins! I use Moujan Hot and Cold wax. (But use it hot.)
I'm sure there are a lot more tips out there for moms to look good easily and cheaply. Feel free to share any you have!!

I was reading our last article of Men's Health in our subscription, which I love. In it, there was a great article about Ewan McGregor, who seems like a pretty chilled out guy. One of his little lessons on life that appeared on a blurb on the side said "In your 20's, you spend a lot of time being self-concious about what other people think of you. Then you hit your mid-30's and start to realize they weren't really thinking about you that much". (Emphasis MH)

Men's Health, June 2009

I don't want to wait til my mid 30's to know that. I know that now. I don't hardly care what others do, unless they are being assholes. Then I do care, and I'll say it too. That's the only time I'll really bother to dis them, even if it is unrelated. For example, when trendy ass hipsters are being pretentious, I'll make a comment on how lame they are to let them know they don't rule the world. To make them second guess their awesomeness. But to any other person, I don't care. I will, however, often look at something cool and think "Wow, I really like that hairstyle, that's really bold of them" or "That person is very pretty in a natural real way." Of course they probably think I'm looking and thinking negatively about them, hence how people always have this paranoia that he is saying they shouldn't have. I know that it happens to me as well. I don't believe that anyone is totally free from it. People are so judgmental now a days, there ARE always some people who look for something to talk about. But overall, it doesn't bother me so much if someone doesn't like my outfit, if it's not fresh enough for them. I'm broke. I have to worry about my kids shoving pennies in their noses. Not the hottest most expensive trends that in reality, aren't so hot or worth the money. And I don't even have to justify it. Maybe I like it.

Sometimes I'm stuck in clothes I don't love for reasons I've mentioned, and I think that's when you are the most self conscious. People want to feel like they are expressing some part of themselves because now fashion has that ability! There are so many styles and it is culturally accepted to choose from any number of them. But at the same time, no one wants to be judged solely on that, and people want to be looked at as more than their style. I think overall the more comfortable you REALLY are, the less it will bother you. Meaning that people will feel more comfortable in a style that they feel fits their personality, but also the more you have your priorities straight that it isn't the most important thing, the less you will care if you don't meet that standard. For example, I honestly don't feel so much like me when I'm dressed Amish and I feel awkward and uncomfortable. But if I'm in jeans and a tee, I'm not going to let it bother me that I bought them at Target. If I like it, I like it. I don't try to compete with the world for the newest Coach bag, so I can't be embarrassed if I don't have it. You really know you are trying too hard to look good when you care too much what people think about your look. I guess that's why its hard to believe people who go with trends when they say they don't care what people think. Sometimes fashion is a gamble, and sometimes things you liked then you don't like now! But you have to be real to yourself and know that it was either a long shot or admit you liked it then. We all know what we looked like in the eighties! I just feel that many people now do things to fit into the image hype without even liking it at all. There is this sort of nervousness they carry but they try so hard to make it seem like they feel cool and sure of themselves. And my point is, if they really liked it, they'd be more comfortable with it. And they probably wouldn't do such weird things in the first place.

http://www.inhabitat.com/2008/10/29/green-home-101-7-bad-habits-of-eco-consumers/

It all seems so obvious when its written out like this, but I don't think so many people really know it enough to relax, or maybe we all need a little reminder. Because its hard out there with judgments and criticism. But try to be yourself, even if your this guy.

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080324/Villains/Flash-Gordon-Ming_l.jpg

Because other people probably don't care as much as we think, and for the ones who do, eff em.

A Little Bit More About Us

Let's start with Zalah.
Zalah just turned 16 months old. She is beautiful, precocious, quirky and my little drama queen. She's at that age where she makes funny excited faces when she sees something she likes. That's fun. She also screams instantly if I leave the room. That's not fun. This includes the bathroom or shower, so she likes to come along. >:( She makes an "Mmm" sound and rubs her belly if I make something she likes. She especially likes olives. Fun. She also throws food on the floor or rubs it all over herself. Quasi fun. She explores and climbs on everything, even though she didn't want to walk until she was 15 months! Now she's all over. I tried to let her go in the drugstore, but she had a new medication every time I turned around to put back the previous one. It would have been funny if she had reached the condoms. I wasn't kidding about telling her not to eat the lube. She's learning how to say some words, with her favorite being "Lyla". She also likes to attack the cat, who takes it so well!

Piotr Lev!

Just now as I was looking for a good picture of her with the cat, she crawled under the cat fence, played in his food and water and took a big poop. Maybe that's because she decided to eat all of my prunes...now when she has a stomach virus and I have to hose her off so often from butt explosions.

Lyla! Lyla is overall a great baby. She is about to hit 5 months. She slept 6 hours at night from only a few weeks old. She doesn't cry too often, considering that I forget she's there while Zalah is awake. She's smiley and sweet and laughs at things that aren't really funny, but it makes me laugh that she does it! Sometimes she does cry, and after a day of Screaming Zalah, its hard to take a peep from Lyla. She enjoys making sounds and screeches, but its cute. Also, she's small and can't really move from where I put her, which has its benefits!

This image describes them perfectly!

Sexy Chaim, my hubby. This hot youngin' is 23 and all mine. He was just working for a shitty ticket company, but really wants to go back to school in the fall for science or bio. He might be a science teacher, or go on to Occupational Therapy or Nursing. We're not sure yet. He's sweet and great with the kids and our favorite hobby is fighting. Relax, I'm only half joking! We're both pretty firey, though he seems very mellow and quiet. He's the kind of guy who says "THE BABY POOPED!" Thanks darling. Some nights he snags a waitering job.

This outfit also doubles as a costume for his other other night job.

But its much easier to talk about me. Where to start. Well, I'm 25. I like to read,when I can. I like to create things, like a goth chick knitting isn't the coolest thing you've ever seen. Really though, I always liked to create clothes and other things even if they were not so great, out of need and creativity and boredom. I also like to rant and talk about important things and I'm sure I'll do some of that on here. I can't imagine seeing something morally wrong and not saying something about it. I love to listen to cultural, gypsy, bellydance, arabic, and world music along with many other styles like regge, electronic and of course some rock and metal and all that old jazz I used to dig. I love to dance, and if I may be blunt, my most favorite activity in the world ever is to have sex (with my husband ONLY!) Can you tell?

At night, when the children are asleep, we like to do puzzles.
(Photo Credit: Daniel Murtagh)

I like to work out, I'm not sure if I like to cook, but I don't buy pre-made foods, and I do like to try something new and experiment. I can't stand to waste, I recycle and reuse. I guess I reduce too. I don't eat meat either. I've always been partly hippy, you just can't see it. I can hardly pass by something if it needs to be done and not do it, even if I'm already doing a few other things, like diapering a baby. Then I have to clean the carpet from baby pee too. I'm always cleaning. I clean when I'm stressed or angry too. I guess I work well under pressure, but not too much of it. I'm still in the middle of a Sociology degree and I love it, but I don't know when I'll finish. Now I stay at home because it would barely pay to work and send them to daycare. I won't even make the argument that I can do it better because I don't know if I even believe that! But it is nice to have a parent around, that part I agree with. I'm quite silly sometimes and when the mood strikes I burst into incredibly chorus class show tunes, dance moves and all! Hey, I find it amusing! Even though I'm often tired, I have an energetic personality. I guess the term "goth girl" never did fully capture me.

Some people ask me why I'm so insane as to plan two kids so close together. Who said anything about a plan!?

I'm sure there is more that I can't think of now. I will try to keep my posts short and sweet, which is a stark difference from the suffering I usually put people through with my long rants that make the eyes bleed. :D

In the Beginning...

Back when I thought being Jewish was cool.

My hubby just got fired today, and is out with daughter one so I thought I'd have a moment to start this thing out. Of course numero dos is screaming. We will have to discuss ways to save money and time later, which was a thought I had before, but oh how much more pertinent it is now!

Anyway, my good friend Sarah has her blog at oldschoolnewschoolmom.blogspot.com and has convinced and inspired me to start. Supposedly I am mildly amusing, not to mention I have a 'two babies' edge. (Lolz here) I tend to be in a constant duality with myself, and I am just as normal as I am insane. We tried to keep these things in mind while thinking of a name. Sarah wanted something to do with rebellion, which is very fitting. Meanwhile, I had joked to her a few weeks ago that 'if I started a blog I would call it "Two at a time" or "Demon Beasts from Hell". She decided on the name The Unorthodox Mom, as a bit of a pun since I technically AM "orthodox". What that means, however, is up to interpretation. Renegade Jews on the loose! In another way, it does somewhat explain my personality, since I don't usually follow the mainstream, but I'm not terribly against it either. Some things people do are stupid, and some things are ok. We'll talk about some of these ok things. (And maybe a little of the stupid things as well!)

Oy Vey! Can you believe this one had kids!?