My not so green thumb

So all of that in the last post is basically for naught. I'm so upset. Here's what happened.

The tomatoes were left outside to bask in the sun. One day I knew it was going to rain so I made sure to bring in my bras flapping in the breeze and everything else I could think of. What happens the next day?? Chaim brings in the tomatoes, which we forgot outside. :( The few that survived Zalah pulled up by the roots. She also did this to some plants Chaim was trying to re-root and she broke part of the garlic off, but at least that part wasn't so damaging. We tried to replant tomato seeds, but by this point if they actually grow, it will be pretty late in the season to see fruit, like what happened last year. :(

I'm counting on that little guy in the front, but I don't want to hold out too much hope!

We had nice little basil sprouts. I don't even think I had a picture of them. So of course, when I watered them and went to return them to their windowsill, I undershot, bumped the edge and spilled the whole thing all over the floor. Bye bye basil. I tried to replant the basil as well as some parsley, but the dirt was too wet. So I mixed in more dirt to get the right consistency but now it looks too packed down and I don't know if the sprouts can break through. It's not well draining at all. How bad can you be at making dirt!?!?!

Next, the garlic. Ah the garlic was growing so well. It's so easy, isn't it?? So we decide it's high time to plant them outside, the roots were packed in their little containers, and we had two to a small pot! Well, guess how I felt when I look online just to double check the best time to plant them (mid spring, early spring?) and see FALL. WHAT? So much for that. We attempted a shady spot and hopefully it won't be too hot for them to grow. Over watering can also be a problem, and it is spring. So we'll see how that goes.

The garlic

I did learn that you can eat those green tops, so that's something at least.

Speaking of garlic, I also read that it's good to put a layer of compost on top. Well. The compost is not ready. (Though I have to say, it does look good.) Maybe if we were smart and did it all last summer and through the year it would have been ready by now. Grrr.

Lastly, I planted the cucumbers. Might as well at this point, right? So who knows how they will turn out. The soil is supposed to be warmer, but I didn't want to wait and I didn't start them inside so whatever. Those 3 sticks in the back are where each group of seeds are. The kids helped me put 4 seeds in each hill, and if they grow I can then thin them down. It looks a little dry, but it's supposed to rain tomorrow and the rest of the month, so it will be plenty watered. I hope something sprouts!



Oh, and in case you guys are wondering, the spot by the fence is actually fairly sunny for most of the day. The reason I say the garlic is in a 'shady' spot while the "real" garden pictured above is the sunniest spot is because the garlic is along the fence back by where the shed is, and when the sun gets too far west it becomes shady again. So the garlic spot has some sun, while the main garden should get a lot of sun. The idea was to put the tomatoes in the back there, but I hope it doesn't stay shady there for too long in the day. I took this picture at about 11am. It's almost noon and it's sunny there now.

So that's that. This is year two of a slight interest in gardening while really knowing nothing of what to do! And the more we learn, we still don't know enough. It's actually quite sad. We would have either known what to do back in the old days, or just not have been very successful and healthy individuals! I wish planting wasn't a dying art. I wish it came standard with learning long division, phonics and the history of New Jersey. :(

Also, it is GORGEOUS today. Really.

One Quick Thing. . . then again, it's me we're talking about

I just have one quick tip I'd like to share. Put your scallions and herbs in a wet paper towel, fold it around the base and store in the fridge in a produce bag (I reuse mine, and actually I hardly have them since I buy my produce loose). The water keeps them fresh and I think even growing. These scallions are a few days old and are firm and luscious.

I love scallions!

Come to think of it, remember when I mentioned Chaim's other other night job? And how I started this blog the day he got fired? So it's been about two years since then and we found out his unemployment is ending in two weeks. :( This is after an error in which they held about three weeks, which we had to go in in person and refute and still are waiting for it to come through. But it doesn't really matter so much because it's basically over. So now what? I have no idea. We're trying the gardening thing again, have a nice compost started, but something tells me we'll need more than that to live on. Hmmm.

The heat and hot water isn't on, which is a pain but hopefully the oil truck will come again tomorrow.

And children, why don't they sleep?? Do they want to be zombies? It's after 10, and I still hear Lyla in the room. Meanwhile I'm ready to pass out!

In case I didn't say so on here yet, Z is basically officially potty trained. So that's awesome! Lyla is officially in the middle of TERRIBLE TWOS!! NOT AWESOME!!!

I'll keep you posted on the news.

Trying to Learn Hebrew

My newest feat (besides knitting and reading) has been trying to learn some Hebrew. I'm pretty serious about it and I think of it often, but I feel like it's so daunting. I wonder if I'll ever be able to express myself in another language as well as I do in English. . . Scratch that, as well as I want to in English. Maybe wanting to use more specific words will force me to learn more of them. I sure hope so.

On another note, I miss many of the things that we stopped doing when we moved here like composting. I want to try and pick that up again. I feel like cloth diapering is totally out, which is sad because if I had a washer and drier, I probably would have never stopped. I also hope Z potty trains soon so that diapers IN GENERAL are in the end of their phase.

Additionally, I am happy to report that Z has been better (or maybe I've been more patient). I feel like she's whining less (or again, like I'm dealing with it better). I feel like she really gets upset the most when there is something she feels she has to do and for some reason she can't. Either frustration or a parent telling her to stop what she's doing for various reasons (for example, if she wants something, but we think she's going to hurt herself the way she's going about getting it). She's been really helpful and sweet and even eating better. She still does her stubborn thing or doesn't want to listen, just like every kid, but she's pretty awesome. Lyla is definitely entering her "2's", but she's still pretty rockin' as well. I love how much they love each other. I really feel like we have such a cool little unit going on.

That reminds me. Some times people think I want, or will want, more kids. I suppose the idea could come to me, but I really don't think I'll seriously want more. Kids are cute, and I do like them, but there are so many reasons I don't want to even go there. For one, I can't afford it. I don't think it would be fair to the kids that ALREADY exist to make more that I don't, as of right now, have ANY obligation to. I have a hard enough time paying attention and caring for Z and L, and I stress SO much, more than anything, about providing for them. Making more, if I can help it, is not really part of the solution.

Secondly, they are so close in age and relationship that any new baby years later will be totally on it's own like an only child. That, and I'm really not interested in having another one so soon, even if I were financially able, and I'm SURELY not interested in having any after 30 (I'm physically destroyed enough as it is. Don't believe me? I pee myself). So there is the impossiblility of a time frame that just doesn't exist. I really love having them as my two little ones, and that they have each other. Sure, I said I wanted more before I had any, but as many new parents soon learn, you tend to change your mind about something once you actually learn what it's like!

And I suppose that's it for now.

A little bit Jealous

I've noticed over the past few months I sometimes feel a little jealous of my single-child friends. I tried to not to let it show, but after thinking about it, I feel like its something I can address and be honest about.

I know that when its your only child it can be hard because its the first time, the whole thing is new, and even one kid can be a difficult. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Mr. Bright Eyes Van Luyn!) ;)

Now, I want to appreciate that I have two adorable kids, and I do, but its definitely hard to hear other parents complain. I felt like I would get along well and relate to other parents, but I just feel like I'm completely losing my mind and would do anything to get a moments peace. Because the truth is, when I'm with just ONE kid, GOSH life seems so much easier. I know its probably all bullshit, but it just seems like life would be so gloriously easy. I feel like I would have had the opportunity to play with the child and talk to the child and actually focus on that one child. Even just to WORRY about just one child. Go out with them and feed them, and maybe myself, deal with their tantrums with full attention, stop them from creating twice as much of a mess, hug them, nap with them, take pictures of them, basically be like a team. And in all honesty, I miss that.

They are so close, I barely remember having just one. And even though I did want a sibling for Zalah eventually, even for that short time, I was sort of upset that Lyla was coming along so soon. (Not that she isn't totally awesome.) I wanted to cherish those moments, and well, I never really could. At least not unencumbered by other things going on around us due to the other kid. Granted, its even easier when the one I have to watch for the time being is Lyla, because she is so sweet and easy going. But even when its Zalah, who is a more difficult personality BY FAR as well as at a more difficult age, its still easier than both since the attention is all on her. Sometimes I think if I had two "Lyla" type personalities it might be better, but just more than one person to keep your eye on is always a lot. Parents who have more than two I think are just crazy. Once you hit two, you should know better!! :P

People who come from big families say that they all were treated with love as individuals, but I find it hard to believe. How can ONE woman physically take care of a large number of children, let alone nurture them and talk to them on a deeper level?

So really its a combination of everything: the fact that there are two, that they are so close in age and the fact that *one of them* is soooooo much more difficult to deal with.

Now before you think I'm evil, let me say that I do love Zalah, she's quirky and silly and cute and super smart. But WOW is she tough. She's not really super aggressive or mean, but she's BOSSY, PICKY, and WHINY.

1. She tells us what to do. She doesn't listen. When she wants it, she means NOW. She bosses Lyla around and tries to discipline her and even hurts her because she doesn't realize her strength. She sees what we do, but when *we* do something to discipline them, we know how to do it without actually causing damage. But she's only 2 so she doesn't know better.
2. She won't eat ANYTHING. The only thing she really eats is grains. Not just 'white' things, but just bread-products. Pasta, cereal, that kind of thing. Sometimes cheese, or whatever it is that week. I have to follow her around with everything and still she hardly eats. At least not variety. Even when she asks for these foods specifically, she usually doesn't finish it, if she even takes a bite. I remember it taking an HOUR to get her to eat a jar of baby food. :
   
3. She whines about EVERYTHING. She really can whine and cry for most of the day. This is partly age, but I remember how much I couldn't stand her behavior at 1+ years, while Lyla is almost two and she's so different. She hurts herself often. Really often. She 'sees' things in her room at night, she's always insulted or sad or hurt. This girl hardly ever smiles. Its sort of sad actually. :( She's the most serious kid I ever met. And she won't let you do what you need to do and have to do. So of course we want to be parents and set the limit, but it comes with whining whining whining. We can't stand it. Also, it brings in previously mentioned discipline, and then she thinks she can do it to everyone else too. She says she knows she is not the boss, but she doesn't act like it!

Just as I was writing this she broke a glass. And once I started typing again and took her off my lap, she cries. Now Lyla can have her freak outs too, but she usually doesn't cry as easily. Though sometimes when she does she just goes onnnnn and onnnn.

Still, I'm glad they have each other to be close to and start trouble with, because they're all the siblings each other is ever going to get!!!

Natural Remedies

Probably because I always say I never wash my hair, my mother in law had mentioned a shampoo like product that doesn't actually wash out your natural oils and was supposed to be better for you. It turns out it was WEN cleansing conditioner and when I googled it, I wasn't sure how well it would work, or really, if it would work better than home remedies. I found this awesome site as well, and here are some new and old tips I wanted to list.

Hair: Plain and simple, wash it less if you can. I use vinegar with shampoo occasionally to get rid of build up, but I can't do that every time and definitely think I need shampoo, but I try to use less of it each time now. It can over dry super easily and I find it to be one of the top culprits. I'm not going to lie, its still not a super small amount, since I need to get my scalp clean, but I do use less now and just lather the top. Then I just let it run off instead of drying out my ends by shampooing them. Also try to never dye, bleach, or use heat styling. And go easy on products since they also cause drying. I used to do all of those things but now I don't do any. I sometimes blow dry my bangs with an ion dryer (I try to stick to 'warm') and use 'cool' after wards. I use Bio-silk sparingly and only sometimes, I don't dye, straighten or blow dry my hair anymore, or use any hair sprays, gels, or mousses. The worst of all those things is bleach and heat, just fyi. And occasional of anything is ok too, just be careful!

For conditioning, I like to use hair mayo sometimes and I really like suave with Shea butter as well. I have a Shea butter "leave in" made by Cantu, but its more like a light styling product because it does grease up my hair quicker than normal. But maybe that's a good thing since my hair is usually dry-ish and Shea butter is a protectant. Because of the dryness, I am able to go longer between washes, but the top gets greasy first and this causes break outs. :(

Skin: This is so weird but I swear its true - apparently vinegar is the cure for everything. Its a natural antiseptic which I knew because I clean with it. But if you dilute apple cider vinegar with 3 parts water and use it as an astringent, the results are amazing. Smelly yes. But amazing. It tightens up my pores like WOAH. I even use it under my arms and those bumps that have always plagued me are all but gone. Wow.

Another thing you can use is lemon rind, but it can burn if your skin is sensitive. Sometimes I just use the lemon when its all spent to rub the inside of my steel sink. It gets some grime out and smells nice. I think.

I also sometimes use Tea Tree Oil on stubborn pimples.

I like to follow with cucumber peels all over my face to soothe and help get rid of redness and under eye circles. It also helps wipe off some vinegar smell but I wait for it to dry. I actually let most things dry right on. So many products have cucumber in it and are so costly. I just use the real thing! It works.

This is another newer one for me personally, but I have to attribute it to one more cure. Vaseline. (I know you hate it Amanda!) I already use it for my lips and feet/hands in the winter, and even under my nose when I have a cold. But I started using it around my eyes at night to seal in moisture. I have to say, it REALLY works!! My circles have never been so diminished from any other expensive product. And I think its good for the lashes too. So far no break outs from it either. Then in the morning I wash with CeraVe foaming face wash which is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It's sort of like Cetaphil but actually gets makeup off. So far I'm just using samples but I hope to buy it soon. It seems to be very highly rated. I still use apricot scrub as well and sometimes other face washes.

I still get deep pimples that don't show, but hurt like hell. I haven't found a way to stop this. Maybe I do over cleanse, but I just hate hate hate them. I also get black heads and bumps, and I sort of have a nervous tendency to pick and them and I really can't stop. Sadly, this creates far worse skin problems than if I could leave them alone.

I also think cocoa butter lotion is the best ever. Any brand.

Edit: As far as skin and hair go, one really great tip is DON'T shower in super hot water. It totally dries out both. It's also a good idea to rinse with cool water too, to seal up the pores/follicles and prevent breakage.

Then there are a few more things that are actually products (and actually not natural) but I'll just put them here anyway.

I have to say, this stuff freaking works. Its not Latisse and I wouldn't want it to be, but I do feel like I lose less lashes and they seem more filled in. Maybe I'm just not wearing makeup as often, since that causes lash loss too.

L'oreal lash boosting serum

Another thing I really like is Maybelline's The Colossal Volum' Express mascara.


I've tried many others and I like this one so much more. I tend to like volume in my mascara and some people do not, but I like this even more than other volume ones. I also like the Cover Girl Lash Blast Fusion which only comes in non-waterproof (I like waterproof) but its about the same caliber as Colossal. SO what bugs the hell out of me is why Maybelline wastes so much money on their stupid The Falsies campaign when everyone hates that mascara! >:( Just google the images to see the before and after. Even people who say they like it look like hell. For real. That's all.

Hood Life (Or something like it)

As most of you may know, we've moved to an area that's not quite the ghetto, it's just next door. Well there are many things I like about living here, such as sidewalks, shops we can walk to and overall friendly people. My mother in law says I get a sick thrill from walking through the hood. Oh? I think I just like to get my stuff done. But even the hollering boosts your self esteem even though you really know you look like shit and they guys are just constantly practicing with any and everyone 'to keep their game up'.

But there are some down sides, not the first of which is that Chaim's bike was very early on stolen from our back yard. (Don't worry, we hopped in the Batmobile down to the hood and found it ;D)

One thing that super sucks is that we don't have laundry access. I probably complained about this before because I knew it would mean the end of cloth diapering, which I was really upset about. (Though Chaim surely isn't...) It costs a hell of a lot more and we frequently run out of disposables. And I don't think I'll ever feel ok with throwing so many diapers out either. AND maybe Z would be potty trained too. :'(

But another two things that suck about it is the COST and the LOCATION. Granted, there are tons of laundromats around. Probably to be within walking distance of just about everyone. And they are. BUT with a double stroller I just can't make the distance. We finally dropped the $30 and bought a cart with wheels to bring our stuff around (everyone here has them-everyone!) but I can't push that and the stroller at once. I've tried to carry one baby and have the other walk, but that was before we even had the cart and even with it its still hard to have one walk and not run into crazy traffic while steering those bulky things. I've even thought of bungeeing the stroller and cart together! Now, when Chaim is around OR if I have the car, there is no problem. I just put all the kids and laundry in the car and go. Yea, its a pain to do laundry with the two little ones but there's no choice there. Or, if Chaim is home and I have the car, I can just go without them. That's the best. OR when we have car problems and therefore NO car, which seems to be the case often enough, we go with the stroller, the cart and two parents. BUT if there's no car and no husband, I can't go at all. Not unless I had a sitter and you can guess how often that's happened. When we lived upstate, we could never walk to a laundromat. As a matter of fact, I've never even been to one before moving here. But I didn't have to. We had machines in the house. They didn't always work and they were always full of our landlords stuff but at least they were there. Now if we have a barf crisis it really can become a crisis. Add that to the fact my cat is sick and peeing on EVERYONE'S bed WHILE the car is busted, and yea. Problems.

The same goes for food stores. We have a few bodegas but they sort of suck. Even the closest kosher store is one of the furthest walking-distance food stores and its not great. I can now carry some stuff in the stroller thanks to the new stroller having a basket on the bottom, but I can't get so much that I'd need the cart, because again, I can't push it while I have the kids. And stuff does get a bit beat up on the ride. :\

Another thing that sucks is that in this area you'd think there would be awesome public transportation. After all, so many people rely on it and we are the last few stops on the A train. But no, that too fails us. The stop closest to us only works going east, to the ONE LAST stop after it. Point!? So we can walk to that one or better yet, to the one further up, one stop closer to the city. But on the weekends, they are ALL closed. Yep. Not only is it the weekend schedule which takes about three hours to get anywhere, but they have to shuttle you all the way up the Rockaways to get on the subway. Now with kids, the shuttle bus becomes an ok-lets-stay-home-instead. Often, when the car worked, we just drove it to Brooklyn or Queens proper and took a train from there. Speaking of trains, they are so not stroller friendly. The city and Brooklyn are bad, but the Rockaways don't know the meaning of the word 'elevator'. I'm hoping to get a job in the city, and its good that at least I can get to the train without a ride, and the ride is probably just as long as it was from upstate, but its clearly far from seamless. At least if its for work there won't be kids with me and I can actually USE stairs. Gosh I miss those sometimes. Maybe that's why I'm getting portly.

This isn't really the fault of moving, but its really amazing how we walk or bike everywhere. You'd think I'd lose so much weight, yet I haven't lost a thing. Before I was just doing stuff at home and occasionally using the treadmill there. Here, I've walked FAR more than I ever did upstate, biked more, and even ran more the few times I've gotten to the gym (which I bike to). I still do those small workouts in my room and stretch, the only thing I don't do is breastfeed. Well apparently that's the kicker. I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight which is normal I guess but I was hoping I could stay where I was while nursing. I remember before I was pregnant I couldn't lose an ounce either. Not while eating at least, and I like eating. :D

We totally are into biking and its a good thing that so many things are close, or at least in biking distance, including Chaim's job at night when we really don't have a car. But as with the doing-ANYTHING-without-a-husband situation, I can't bike to any of these places without someone home with the kids.

Some things like a car or washer and dryer are definitely a huge investment and upfront cost. But sometimes I think not having them is even worse. At least if you have a washer you can use it as often as needed and though the water and energy bills will go up, at least you don't have to pay the same standard price for the machine. Not having a car means you have to pay for EVERY little ride/train/subway you take to get anywhere past walking distance. Often there is no way to get to where you need to be and car services are crazy. I don't even know if you can bother with car seats in them or how costly it would be for them to wait for you so you don't have to take the seats out while at an appointment or shopping. It becomes impossible.

Two in one sidetrack combo: The car, by the way, really does go on you when you need it most. I've had such a stressful week with not having the car while I needed to get my cat to the vet for a UTI. I wanted to BIKE to him if it meant getting there. He's about 6.5 miles away (and there's a stupid toll) but without a sitter (or car) I could not do it with the kids. Side track #2, you REALLY can't do anything with kids. Wow. When people say life as you know it is over, I assumed having fun and doing things for you. But no, it means being able to LIVE and go where you truly NEED to go. I feel like having kids makes me too busy to even be able to take care of kids. For example, the laundry situation coupled with the other problems we had today makes it impossible to get the kids peed on sheets washed for them. Chaim missed class to get it taken care of but that was all we could do. We just could not have time to do laundry. Or money really. I'm really surprised and thankful and PROUD that they were fed and changed while dealing with the car-cat-crisis situation today. That's how hard it is some days. That's how much it sucks.

As a plus, there are TONS of car shops around here. I don't know why, since so many people rely on public transit (good luck) but I guess many people have cars too. I guess there's just a whole lot of many people out here.

Another thing that bothers me about the lots of many people, is that SO SO SO many of them use the "N-word". We don't say the N word. We don't even JOKE about it. And even if I was plastered drunk and going native and saying it "in a friendly way" it still won't be uttered in front of the kids. Its just not something I want them to say. Well, now that they hear it 1,034,984,352,986,429,034 times a day, we'll have to see how that turns out.

It's actually pretty sad. There were little kids at the park the other day and they kept calling each other crack heads. Not everyone here is irresponsible/on drugs/bad parents etc, but its really sad that you hear it from the mouths of babes. :(

I also feel like its so expensive to live here, or anywhere really. But to be "broke" and in an economically disadvantaged area...yea its not so great. There are obviously not a lot of jobs close by, and you have to pay for EVERYTHING like laundry, rides etc. and almost always in cash. But more than that, when you're really broke, you get the crappiest stuff. Like we've had breathing issues since moving here since its more of a basement than the last place, but the last place had it too. We keep our apartments very clean, but there's always stagnation and sometimes mold in basements so I really feel like poor people just can't get good health. Never mind health CARE, which we have (when we can get a WAY to the office....also never mind that clinics seriously take all day. You can't do ANYTHING else.) Just that poor people aren't allowed to be or STAY healthy. Now that's fucked up. Some people don't believe health care is a right. I disagree, but we *should* all agree that people shouldn't get fucked over for not having more money. There are laws against it, but yea, no one cares. Maybe if everything was taken care of, from peeling paint to affordable healthy food, there wouldn't need to be such high bills for health care in these areas. And its sad but true, soo so so so many people here have a limp. I always thought that was a stereotype...but they do. (Shootings too but that's different. Maybe related. I don't know.)

Other things include broken glass everywhere, the pain in the ass of switching information over here, finding new doctors, getting to/dealing with the medicaid/food stamp office, people's dogs etc. And maybe its a fucked up stereotype and I'm usually so against them that people call me naive, but I do also worry about people around here especially if we're talking about daycare or something like that. And I don't mean one group I mean ANYONE. Even a Jewish place. The best ones of course I can't afford, so it would have to be peoples houses. And just in general I'm so used to being with the kids that I worry about ANYONE with them, but a daycare/full time babysitter would really have to feed them and deal with them on a longer term basis. The only people I know and trust work during the day lol.

I'm sure there is more but I just felt compelled to write about that for now.

It's been a long while.

So in May we moved to Bayswater. The mosquitoes here suck. I graduated with a BA and it means nothing. But I've learned I can clean practically anything. Not out of skill but out of repetition. The kids are completely insane. I really wish I could get out of the house and have some sanity but that hasn't happened thus far. I've learned a few recipes but even cooking counts as "me time" meaning the kids don't let you do it.

Because of the move to a more 'urban' area, we don't have access to a washer and dryer anymore. I'd been using friends but just yesterday went to a laundromat for the first time ever. Zalah likes to call it the laundry-pants store. That shit is expensive. I still take darks home to line dry. Also, I'm not opposed to some light tub washing. BUT because of this, we don't cloth diaper anymore. Chaim is tickled pink, but the cost of diapers sucks. While we cloth diapered for those few months, I had a huge Costco box of diapers for Lyla and hardly made a dent. Since moving I think I've bought two at least, maybe three. I'm actually upset about it. :(

We also haven't composted, though I thought about it. We brought five of our six attempted tomato sprouts and out of five that grew short, four grew well for a while. But they were started too late and never made fruit, and just keep wilting in this terrible humid climate. :(

A bonus is that we live close to the beach and far from other bullshit, but everything has its complications. The apartment is nice, big, fairly decent but boiling hot. Except when we don't have hot water but I never shower in it anyway. I've made new friends and try to see new and old, but its tough to get it all done. I think I could manage to see people and run errands, but its the unexpected things and getting kids to get ready, eat enough, and have enough with you to handle the everyday basics and the random Oh-shit moments, like Lyla barfing in the car seat.

The kids. Ah the kids. They don't eat well, they don't sleep well, and then they try to say they want to eat when it's time for bed. 'Terrible ones' eat your hearts out. Zalah can really throw them now that she's two. Lyla can also still have her moments, but I do think much is personality and Lyla seems more calm. Zalah is very serious, even though she's sweet and likes to help, and gets frustrated easily and is very bossy. She says very funny things though, such as "Don't make me mad!", "Don't tell me no!", "I like people. We have to be nice. We can't fight.", and "Seriously!?". Lyla is talking more too, saying "gubby" for "Buggy" and little things she repeats after us. Z won't potty train, and Piotr has decided to pee all over the bath mat and outside his box. Fabulous. I gained weight that won't go away, yes, even with diet and exercise. Even with living in a sauna and chasing kids til you sweat, every single day. Must be that I can't Zumba every day... Piotr's not so slim either. Chaim just started working at a gym though, so that should help him, and it would help me if I ever had a babysitter. At least I'm not pregnant.

I'm not sure what else to say, though I bet there is more. I'm currently exhausted and have to pick Chaim up from work. The kids FINALLY went to bed after trying for a good two hours. :P At least the place is fairly clean, if not boiling hot.

What I want my resume to say!

I don't have a lot of experience on my resume, and while this may be true in the corporate business sector (like anyone cares about that...) I think it is not telling the full story. I feel under represented because I can't make a resume say the things about me that I want people to know. Here I would like to share what I wish I could put in a resume. (In case this disclaimer is still necessary, I usually do these to be funny, albeit it is true!)

I was born in Germany and came here when I was four. Amid my parents divorce, I was raised by my grandmother and grandfather. My uncle lived with us, along with his boyfriend, a wonderful black man. These experiences helped to shape my world view. Kindergarten wanted to keep me back for mixing two letters of the alphabet in my second language. I then went to Catholic school as a child while my mother went to nursing school. I didn't have many friends, but usually clung to the other kid who was slightly different from everyone else.

In high school I was in a few clubs such as E.R.A.S.E. (anti-racism) and cheer leading. I was a flier and we competed in the first tournament as a team in about 20 years. I was also the odd one out, forsaking what was popular in style for doing my own thing. In the past I have dealt with major traumatic issues related to living in today's complex world such as eating disorders, depression and self mutilation. I have beat them all, without medical intervention. I have learned much from these experiences. I also have learned a lot from horrible boyfriends. Thanks guys! I fluctuated in school from excellent to terrible depending on how bad life was at the time, sometimes I did well even when life was bad. I have modeled in the past for dozens of photographers and been painted by many others. My image has been published in books, been shown at galleries and been on the cover of artists magazine. I don't even count the web images as important enough. I have also been thanked in CD credits. My style is fly and professionals (a teacher from Pratt stopped me in the street!) have told me to go into fashion, but I'm not ruthless enough for a world of shallow illusion. I stopped doing some of these things because I like to be ahead of the game. I quit smoking.

I would like to explain the school thing a little bit more.

(Spring '07) My first semester at Kean I was working two jobs, a total of 50-60 hours a week (If you don't believe me, I can break it down for you: 12 hour shifts at a restaurant 3-4 times a week, usually Wednesday, Friday and Saturday but sometimes Monday as well. Tuesday and Thursday I had class late so I worked at Red Bull in the morning or evening and couldn't make the restaurant. Monday and Wednesday class was earlier so I got out in time to work at the restaurant. I would get out around 12:30-2:30 and still managed to spend time drinking after wards since that's part of the job description of a waitress. If I had to shower I would get to bed at 4am and wake up for RB at 7. I also worked RB in any spare days, such as Sundays for a total of about 20-30 hours. I still managed to have a hectic social life.) School was full time. I earned straight A's. I spent some of the time trying to convert religions.

(Fall '07) The next semester I was married and pregnant. I was Jewish, so I was keeping Shabbat as well as Jewish holidays, and in case you didn't get the memo, that's a lot of days you can't study and work. I moved to NY state and had a commute. Our car was the most busted falling apart jalopy ever, but we made it work. I worked part time in Manhattan for Jack and did all the research on a publication with my name on it. In school, full time again, one professor I had for two classes said I was at the top of the class and would have earned A+'s had the school offered them. Straight A's.

(Fall '08) I took off Spring semester to give birth and raise a newborn. By fall, I was enrolled again full time and also pregnant again. I earned a small scholarship to help with tuition. I was also still breast feeding and pumping and paying for my sister to come on the train (she babysat for free, but we paid for the commute). I volunteered at the local nursing home twice a week. I received one A-, my worst grade to date. Husband took a night class at the local community college for this semester and the next one to help add classes to his transcript. Another professor said my final paper was Masters Level.

(Fall '09) Again I took off Spring semester to give birth and raise a child. By the fall, enrolled full time, I had two infants under two years old. They were both born in 2008. My husband had lost his job and we were living off of unemployment. We took in a couple who needed somewhere to stay, as well as my sister. Needless to say, it didn't work out so well, but they stayed with us the whole semester, for about 4 months. We helped feed them and tried to not be selfish with our possessions. We watched their cat the whole time and some weeks after. Since my husband was not working, he went back to school to further his education and work towards a degree. He studied often in the library while I watched the kids. Usually I study intermittently or in the evenings because the day is too hectic to sit down and concentrate. I started cloth diapering. First both babies, now just one. Straight A's again.

(Spring '10) Finally back in Spring semester. Husband and I switch days of class so we don't have to pay for a sitter. We also now receive food stamps. I only have 3 classes left, including Senior Seminar which requires many papers, some weekly, and a Masters level Social Theory class with the same professor that gave me the A-! I try to read 25 pages a night to keep up. I am joining the honor society for Sociology majors and will no doubt graduate Summa Cum Laude this May. My current GPA is 3.981. I am being inducted into the sociological honor society Alpha Kappa Delta and Phi Kappa Phi.

I work five full time jobs, everyday. These include being a housekeeper, nanny, chef, early childhood educator (my students progress is amazing, by the way) and student. I mend and fix things part time, which could be included in the housekeeper category (though today many people do not do these things anymore.) I am not a C.E.O but I am an M.O.M. I also manage all the finances in the household, keeping track of bank accounts, food stamp accounts, children's accounts and paying the bills. I also budget and keep track of how much we spend on gas. I am organized and keep important papers neatly in a safe place. I return library books on time. I still manage time for play dates to keep the kids socialized and entertained. I also exhibit great leadership skills. My kids listen or else. Seriously though, they are great kids, who are sweet and caring, they share and are incredibly bright. Eat that! Speaking of eating, my culinary skills have improved immensely and I now cook a wide range of delicious vegetarian dishes from around the world.

One of my main skills in the past and now is my ability to flow with many many groups. I can be comfortable in a party in the hood, a Muslim sisters party and if I have to, a Jewish event with my 'good' face on. I enjoy diversity and learning and have been called a social chameleon more than once. I throw myself into different groups. I don't have the concept of feeling out of place, or at least I don't let fear deter me from trying. I am not fake at all, I just share in many collective consciousnesses. I have been totally accepted as a part of the Metal subculture, MSI fans, Fetish scene, and Jewish religion (see the similarities?) and partly accepted by many others. I am quite real and honest, but I am kind hearted and not malicious. I also have a great bullshit detector and am not easily manipulated. Being a busy parent and getting excellent grades has not made me any less personable. I am as spirited as any other grad without the hangover. I am responsible and keep appointments. I am versatile and unique. I am the coolest nerd you've ever met.

I also have a need to create, usually done in my free time the semesters I was off of school and the children were asleep. Some things I make are jewelry, clothing (new or deconstructed), paintings and drawings, hair accessories, wall hangings, knit scarves, crafts, and a full on tribal belly dance belt. I have even worked with wood and metal in the past. I also have a shirt design store online that is catered to activists and has witty but subtle and cleaver messages. The site is not public yet for lack of photo shop skills needed to complete execution, but the ideas are there, mine and original. The proceeds are intended to go 100% to charity. I even write in my spare time, either on my blog or on facebook about issues in the world and my personal take and input. I consider myself a Feminist and Activist.

I also like to read, bike ride, belly dance, run, stretch, mountain climb, kayak, and try any new adventurous things when time and money permits. I can put my feet on my head, do a full split and pop my hip out of place. I try to be active and I eat healthy. I also enjoy independent and foreign movies. I also got into playing free rice online to donate food to the poor while improving my vocabulary and geography skills. To be sure, it has helped me identify more countries than I ever knew before. I have been back to my home country three times. I am trying to relearn my native language. I have basic conversation skills. I can also say a few simple phrases, such as 'hello' or 'how are you' in about ten languages. I don't care much for money but I would love to travel the world. I love music and art, everything from graffiti to Rachmaninoff. I also love brain teasers and mental puzzles. I can read "Fox in Socks" without barely stumbling. I'm just that good. I can also read "Green Eggs and Ham" in Hebrew, though not surprisingly, it has a different name.

I am also green, trying to conserve as much as possible and never waste. I recycle. I have a whole list of things I do to keep green here. I have distributed free food a store was getting rid of to random people on the street, just because I felt like picking it up and doing so. I am a vegetarian and I also love animals.

Despite being 'under the poverty line', we are fairly happy. We are appreciative for everything and try to be generous in return.

I asked a friend and reference what he had to say and he came back with this: "I was about to give a simple answer about your creativity, but then I realized this was about the res for your blog, so I guess we can cast the net a little wider. Well, in addition to creativity, you have an awesome sense of humor, great taste in music, a passion for social justice, a love for minorities and the oppressed, an incisive mind and when you get on a roll on a topic that excites you - either talking or writing - there's no stopping you! You stand by your convictions, but you always listen to the other position and even more importantly, you respect the other position even if you don't agree with it. You absorb information like a sponge, you learn from all people who have something to contribute, and you're not too stubborn to adapt your position to accommodate new things you have learned. You're a loving, protective mother. You have a good work ethic. You're not materialistic. You're honest. You speak your mind while trying not to offend anyone, but collateral damage won't keep you from speaking the truth. You love peace. You're a good friend. Need more?"

My "real" resume looks pretty dull in comparison, doesn't it?!

The Passive Agressive Plague

There have been a number of things that have gotten me thinking about this topic lately, which culminated with a conversation with my friend Sarah. (See previous post for Sarah's blog and other links that related to this topic.) It seems that today we have a surplus of passive aggressive behavior which creates a lot of defensiveness. This might not be new information, but lets look at why this is happening.

People today live in a world with a thousand different styles and subcultures. They want to be accepted somewhere, and it sometimes takes a lot of work to get there. So when someone is 'in' a group, they keep others on the outside with catty remarks and attitude. It makes sense in some ways as a sort of initiation rite and keeping the clan together, but what ends up happening is that there are so many little divisions and each one wants others to know what they are all about while still being insular and secretive. It drives me mad. The reason they want others to know about them is so they are not misunderstood, or taken to look like another group that they are not. Here is a great example from a thread on Facebook about red laces on Doc Martin boots:

"I'm a black skinhead( I don't think I need to tell you where I stand, and those of you scratching your heads look it up on wikipedia) and I can tell you for sure if I wear any coloured laces or braces then it means that I like to accessorize. I did run across some dumb ass hipsters on the train who still think skins are racist. To this day, I regret giving them a good smack in the face for being so bloody stupid!"

Now, this is just one example of MILLIONS! The point is, many people wear colored laces to mean racism or a variety of things. So to an outsider, how can you tell, even WITH knowledge of all of these groups, what the person actually means!? Besides the fact that racist and non-racist skin heads dress a like, and I have yet to figure out why, and I have asked a few times before, you can't really be sure who you are looking at. He was nice enough to write back and explain a TON of information for me, which I am appreciative. But what I am highlighting on is just how hard it is to navigate through all of these subcultures and know how to regard them.

The thing is, many people don't even CARE about learning about this. This is a pretty obtuse example but that's part of why I chose it, because many people DON'T understand the real truth about it, as even I have more to learn. I totally think we should learn about others in their main culture and even sub cultures. But some subcultures piss me off for being so vague yet so demanding of us. Such as the second group, the hipsters, often do, and don't ever offer an explanation about who they are, because they DON'T know! Basically, a common frustration of this world is to be misunderstood which is especially bothersome when you actually stand for a deeply held belief. While we can't expect everyone to know all about us based on image, it is also wrong for people to assume they know it all because of that.

How does this tie in to my main point? Well everyday people today are OVERWHELMINGLY playing the passive aggressive card as a way to deal with these ambiguities. People don't know how to act towards anyone anymore so it is a way of "playing it safe". People want to insult someone, yet do it 'nicely' as it were, and also not look like too much of a jerk for being flat out rude, even though it is. It's become a skill to zing people in just the right way. (It also makes people come off as very snotty.) But it also becomes a cover. People often act rude and snide so that they can later cover it up and say they meant something else. This goes along with dirty looks and words being so delicate now that an argument can ensue over the details of words used or the tone or what the person really meant that was disguised. It becomes "talking about nothing". And then people wonder why they can't even remember what they argued about.

Long story short: No one is direct anymore. If you are too direct, you are seen as being rude and not having tact. And even I think a white lie is ok and that there is no need to blatantly tell everyone that you don't like their shirt or hair cut. It's not needed. Yet today we seem to dance around EVERYTHING because that's the way its done now. It's a complicated net of behavior that is difficult enough for adults to deal with, that when we throw children in the mix it's even worse. Fader recently posted a blog about O.D.D. which basically means an overly defiant child. I feel that in this society, how can we expect our children to behave and listen when they are surrounded by snippy remarks and insults!? The psychologist she interviewed even stated that it was an issue with parenting style. Bingo. And while I think we should criticize others less to avoid the passive aggressive pitfall, it's quite hard not to.

I am not immune to this behavior either. While we were talking we mentioned friends who are good at witty remarks and how funny it can be, especially when the other person is "asking for it". After that remark on the Red Laces thread, I checked out that guys page (I couldn't find any information on Wikipedia about his group either, by the way). I found that he was a member of Thanks to Ed Hardy I recognize morons right away. Now this was hard for me to resist! I don't like the idea of just being rude for no reason, not that I don't do it, but I don't like it. So here are a group of people that aren't even organized in themselves, but they all have a similar attitude that seems to be screaming "I'm cool!" even though to us, they seem like total style sluts and trend whores, and we're not even impressed. Joining this group, although mean, also shows a sort of defiance to the popular culture and the ability to judge for ourselves that we don't even like the way it looks to begin with. Here I am again using stupid words to justify my behavior, when I should in one way not even care at all.

After some time many people go from being on the style bandwagon to dissing something they previously liked. This is shown in the fact that the group has grown suddenly from a few hundred to a few thousand, and it keeps going. Now, I never liked this brand and I also try to not just scream insults at those who wear it for the sake of not being more of an ass than I need to be. I'm also not so worried about it that I have to advertise Ed Hardy immunity to make sure I don't become confused with the 'other', though in a way, joining was doing just that. (I thought it was funny enough though, so I did!) Although, I do see that sort of attitude with the "I'm not a hipster" sentiment, which even hipsters seem to have. Basically what this means is that people will not want to be part of a group and don't want to be confused with them, so they will speak about how they are not them. People have this urge to be accepted, by their group and others, yet they don't want to look like they are being elitist about it, even when they are.

This happens because while people seem so super self absorbed today, they are also increasingly concerned with what others think! This is obvious, but it seems contradictory. So to balance, people try to look less concerned to defend their egos, which comes off as pretentious and just keeps it going in a cycle. It also makes people seem impenetrable, and coupled with P-A attitude, they pretty much are!

I think one of the MAIN reasons people are so afraid to be who they are but deny it, is because there is SO MUCH HEARSAY going on! Because groups and individuals don't really know first hand about the 'other', so all you hear is negativity. You can plug any group into any of the examples above. For example, moms and non moms, like the Sirens article I linked. To Blog or not to blog. Each side has its aspect that would have some one turn their noses up. But the main issue is that its usually not true. Yes, there are "green yuppies" who are anal about every little thing and B-boys who act overly fly, but at the root, there is so much more to a person. We tend to brush this off because it is easier to label and think we know it all anyway, but we don't like it when it is done to us. I also think one of the most important things I've learned recently is that people actually try to do what is best for everyone else, even though it doesn't seem that way. Of course people are selfish creatures and some more than others, but we also have a very strong social urge, and when people do something opposite of us, it doesn't always mean their intention is opposite, even for Republicans!

Things are incredibly complex in today's world, but at the center, people are people and they feel similar things. I think its a bold step to try to lead on that rather than defense mechanisms and criticism because it brings the possibility of being hurt. But you don't have to be a martyr. Everyone can find a balance of being direct and nice, without being too vulnerable. I know I am one of the last places to find balance and harmony, and I'll be the first to admit I'm frazzled and extreme, and I do like that about myself. But I think we also need to try to relax when it comes to the 'other' and take some time to try to get to know the individual. (I think I am guilty of sometimes giving too much credit and being very xenophilic, but at least that's giving the benefit of the doubt.) Sometimes, yes, they will be a jerk to you. But at least you know that you took the time and chance to get to know someone (however small) while they are still stuck on their image and labeling others. (Of course, this is a defense mechanism yet again!) But if we just try to be a little nicer instead of on the defense, our daily interactions will prove much more fruitful. And when its all said and done, interaction is always better for our souls than alienation is for our ego.

Mom Suggestion of the Day

Wear an apron while FEEDING your kids.




This is my rock star apron that I made, but y'all already know that since all of my followers are already friends on Facebook. :) But seriously, its saved a few stains.

Toys of Today (and Parenting Methods)

For the most part, I think a healthy mix can be a great idea. My philosophy is similar to that of my friend, Sarah Fader, that old school advice and new school attitudes can mesh pretty nicely. The problem is, the old school is hard to find.

Lyla just had a birthday party. Now I've been a mom for about two years, but Chaim and I noticed how there really are hardly any toys that don't beep blink and sing. I appreciate that my family wants to buy fun toys for the kids, but where have all the natural toys gone? We have a few books and stuffed animals that the kids love. They also have some blocks that range from excellent (stacking board blocks with numbers and animals that fit into each other) to sort of crappy (foam Lincoln blocks!? Maybe for the bath, but they don't stand up!). I worry because the more the kids see these toys, the more they want only that kind. That was demonstrated last night when we tried to put Zalah to bed and she flipped out because she wanted to play with Lyla's new toys. She is usually pretty well behaved, brilliant and sweet, and she turned into the terrible-two's modern day brat. I don't like to see that AT ALL! She even asks for TV now that she's seen a very little bit of it. Sometimes these toys or shows can be educational, which is great. Zalah has learned all of her letters from a few toys that repeat them, and I don't mind an occasional PBS kids program. But something is missing.

When I was a kid, my mom used to get us educational toys from a number of catalogs. I think one was MindWare and HearthSong. I miss these kinds of toys and I want my kids to be excited about learning and problem solving as well. I believe there needs to be some straight up fun in life too, even in addition to fun that is functional. But when it causes so many tantrums and a snowball effect of needing mind-numbing electronics, some balance needs to be restored.

As a sort of off shoot that is inspired by a few sources today; I know many people think that if you are in the least bit natural you are a snot and rigid. Well I happen to be neither. I know things won't always go my way, they'll have tantrums and other people will give them junk food. I don't flip out over these things and try to be pretty easy going. But I know my kids will be better behaved if they don't get spoiled with junk (physical and mental) 24-7. And I know that every one else around them wants that too! No one wants to hear kids screaming out in public because they don't get what they want. While this is bound to happen, some kids and parents are more prone to it than others. And besides from all of that, people should also relax a little and let others do what they want to do. I try to keep my criticism of other moms to a minimum. (For a well written discussion about this and a great blog in general, feel free to visit my wonderful friend Amanda's blog.) What works for one doesn't always work for another and its hard enough just to make kids into decent people to begin with, and it isn't always the parents fault. Sometimes kids are bad, sometime good plans backfire. With all that said, I want to have some control as a parent over what my children have in their lives, but to be strict on it means other people think you are too inflexible and kids feel stifled. Yet a parent is in control (or should be) and children don't always know what is best for themselves. They don't have an excess switch, and sadly, many adults don't either. Everything is a balance anyway, but it sure is hard to find one that works for everyone in the best way. (See this Sirens article for some more of my inspiration today.) This is why I urge people to do what they think is best, and please don't criticize other methods. We need a little more understanding and harmony in the world today.

The Green List

Many people differ on their opinions of "climate change", what creates it, or if its even happening. Despite this, we can all agree that cutting back or changing some of the things we do can actually save money, and have other benefits as well. And some are even easier than what we are used to. So in a nonpartisan way, I bring you The Green List: things my family does to save a little green that also, at the very least, doesn't hurt the Big Green and at best, is good for her. Hopefully, this list will grow, but for now I just like to see visually where we stand.

-We don't have a dishwasher. We wash most of our dishes in a small bucket that we fill only a little with soapy water, wash the dishes, and fill with rinse water and then dunk them.

-We use reusable bags at the store. I still have so many plastic ones that even with bathroom and diaper garbage pails along with cat litter, I still have too many!

-We recycle.

-We guerrilla recycle!!

-We shut off lights.

-Compact fluorescents baby.

-We don't use a ton of heat or AC, or at least we try. If you need a sweater in your house in the summer or wear tanks in the winter, maybe you should consider using less heat or AC!

-We turn down the heat or AC when we leave.

-We don't have a microwave, and I hate them.

-We have a TV, unfortunately, but we hardly watch it and I try to leave it unplugged. We use it the most to watch movies from our computer that we connect with a cable.

-I try to cloth diaper while at home, a sort of part time affair. To me, this is difficult, but I try.

-We line dry most of our dark clothes to prevent fading.

-We wash dark clothes in cool water, and if we do warm for light clothes, the rinse is cool.

-We don't use dryer sheets, fabric softener, and I try to use even less detergent than it suggests.

-We wear most of our clothes more than once before washing, if we can. And we use towels etc more than once too!

-We fix our clothes when they rip and give them away when we don't need or want them anymore, so they can be reused. Many of our baby clothes are hand me downs too!

-We don't use disposable dishes, EVER!

-We have one car, a "Low emitions vehicle". It gets an average of 30mpg.

-Chaim car pools or takes the bus to class.

-I don't eat meat, only fish.

-Chaim doesn't eat too much meat either, though not a vegetarian.

-We refill water bottles and we don't really buy them unless we're thirsty and have to buy a drink.


-We use old glass containers for grains and beans and things (Rubbermaids work too, but we need those for the fridge sometimes!) The reason this is good, other than re-using and buying less containers, is because our grains and beans were getting a lot of bugs in them, so this stops that! :)

-We rinse and reuse Ziploc bags.

-We have a gas stove. (I'm not sure how 'good' this is, but I prefer it. I can still cook in a black out, if I have a match.)

-We don't drink milk treated with hormones, though we don't get "organic" for the price factor.

-We don't let the car idle.

-We don't leave the water running when we brush our teeth.

-We let that yellow mellow. A few ounces of urine is not worth 1.6 gallons of water to me.

-I cut down on toilet paper (for #1 only!) by using my Peri bottle to rinse and then towel dry. I actually feel cleaner as well!

-Bye bye tampons! I now have a Mooncup!

-I hardly use paper towels.

-I switched to rags instead of sponges for the counter.

-We hardly use harsh cleaning products. Maybe once a month on average. Usually we wipe messes with water only or with soap. I use vinegar and baking soda when necessary and just got a few bottles of Seventh Generation cleaner and dish soap. The house still stays clean enough though, with just the right amount of germs for us to hardly get sick.

-I take longer showers than I could, but I also don't wash my hair more than once or twice a week.

-I don't blow-dry my hair, and I hardly use any products in it.

-We're broke, so we can't buy as much useless junk! LOL!

-Chaim plants trees. :)

-We try to stick to organic bananas.

-Sometimes Chaim uses me as a tissue. :)

The MOM Workout

I said a ways back that I wanted to post about my workout routine post-baby. While I did a decent amount of running and sit ups and the like, that time has loooong since gone! I would love to exercise more often, since I think it feels great and is good for you, mind and body, but I can't really find the time. However, people always ask me how I stay "in shape". Although I think I could always improve by, Oh I don't know, ACTUALLY working out, I guess some things help out even when you don't have a lot of time. So below I will outline "The MOM Workout" which is great to fit into any busy mom schedule, and things you probably do already! As with most things I write, its meant to be mostly humorous! :)

1. Awaken to the sound of screaming, rush to change and feed the kids and do all that good morning stuff. This is great for a speed drill, especially if you have somewhere to be, as well as a 'Warm Up'.

2. A great way to start is by stretching out in the morning. One of my favorites is to reach over the child gate to get the cat's water and food to refill. I usually stand on one leg so I can reach farther, so this is also good for balance. If you want to step it up a notch, do it while holding a baby. Be careful though, because without balance you will fall!



3. Kids want to play the instant they wake up. Here are some of my favorite moves for you and them:



Place child on lower legs and either lift up and down at the knee, to create a burn in the thigh (demonstrated above) or extend your knees out and then in (see picture below). With the knee extend, you can exhale in their face because they think its funny. And this version is great for the abs! Small babies tend to not hang on and roll off, so you might want to secure them with a belt.



4. Then when it comes time to dressing everyone, changing babies can be a great workout! Not only do they fuss like crazy which breaks a sweat, but while changing #2 or yourself, inevitably #1 will get into things like sharp objects, toilet water, or just general mess making. This tests your reflexes. While trying to avert this situation half dressed, people might walk in and further your reflex skills.

-No picture necessary here-

5. About one PM, try to squeeze in some light breakfast like the toast you forgot in the toaster five hours ago, or a much awaited glass of water. If the kids are awake, try to fit this in between the folding-laundry-while-brushing-your-teeth routine and the have-to-jet-off-the-pot-while-your-pants-are-still-down-to-avoid-child-inflicting-injury-on-themselves acrobatics. This is great for the too-busy-to-eat-diet. Though I must warn you, midnight chocolate cravings will occur frequently!! See step number two to remedy this problem the next morning.

6. Poop is a great workout. Cleaning cloth diapers takes a lot of muscle strength and balance (see below). Other than "the self agitator" in a bucket for overall arm toning, this is one of my favorite moves I created while drying a diaper cover with a towel; The Diaper Lotus:



Patience grasshopper! This one is for more advanced poop touchers.

Laundry can help your arm and shoulder muscles, especially if you have to be a renegade and steal the system after piles of laundry add up and you can take it no longer. One of my favorites is The Lift and Haul, the heavier the better!



7. Another frequent exercise that you might find yourself doing is the Lunge and Lift. This happens periodically throughout the day when you have to grab the children out of the way of the vacuum or from previously mentioned perils they find themselves in. It works by sprinting and stopping short reminiscent of High School basketball drills, and then lunging forward and lifting the child. The reason it works so well is because of the repetition. They never want to be put down, so in your haste you will find yourself doing it quite often.

8. At about 6 PM it might feel like midnight, but the fun is only beginning! Now its time for the Mad Dash Relay: The kids are grumpy, need changes complete with diaper cleaning while cooking dinner and making a salad (don't forget the dishes! :D). The older one takes the lead and dives on the cat! The little one gets stepped on from behind! The garbage is full, you're out of garlic and the salt needs to be refilled. Your hair falls in your face but your hands are covered in sauce that is stinging them and your contacts are dry from the steam. GO!

9. Right as the relay ends and your husband comes home and tells you he already ate and is leaving again to escape the madness, you notice your child is rubbing snot all over her face and could use a bath. Time for Double Bath Duty complete with lotion, ear cleanings and nail clippings! (All 40 of them! Great for efficiency.) This is also a good time to practice your greased hog catching as the ones who can run tend to jump out of the tub while covered in suds and do so.

10. Now its time for quiet (aka more cleaning) that I like to call 'Cool Down'. You can try to read a leisurely book or study for classes. (HA!) Don't forget to make lunches for the next day, finish the dishes and deal with stragglers. Try to remember to shower once a week and soon you'll be lookin' hot!

Insanity!?

So because I recently decided to become more insane, I've decided to cloth diaper, at least part-time. I'll keep you posted on how it goes, or maybe I won't, since the kids don't even let me go to the bathroom without screaming bloody murder and bothering me. :D

The Tzniyus Book

My friend Jack recently published his long awaited Tzniyus Book and I read it in a few days while over his house. I said I would write an unofficial review for it. Simply put, I like it! :) But really, I like how he explains what it is; modesty in action, speech and dress. Basically, everything I'm not! He writes it for younger girls who are interested in being religious, so if it feels like he is taking to that crowd with nerdy Jewish words (or stricter than you would like to be or are personally) he is. Still though, he doesn't say "DO THIS OR ELSE" like some books in this genre might tend to be. (Or they are written sweetly, but forewarn of certain doom if you digress.)

But what I really like is how he has elements of feminism. Not to be politically correct, not to make excuses, but because he really believes that, and I hope he isn't alone in that view. Many people believe elements of Judaism are sexist, and I'm one of them. Aside from the fact that I like to pick metaphorical fights as well, if I see something that bothers my feminist sensitivities, I will say something. Overall, his explanations are GOOD, and even if women don't want to dress according to any codes (which I think is fine too, especially those who do not attempt to ascribe to these sets of rules) it's just plain awesome that the reasons some women do so aren't based (or now believed) to be from oppressive sources.

My favorite chapter was actually "In the Shul: SheLo Asani Isha and Mechitza". These are some of the most misunderstood ideas in Judaism, and Jack explains them in the way that I found to be productive and believable when I first learned about them. Surely if I accepted the popular belief I would have never chosen to associate with it. Of course some scholars will still debate and not agree with these meanings, but I think it's a point for him to publish these ideas that he stands behind and are not incompatible with Judaism. Therefore, more people will be aware of this almost-liberal thinking that is still within their orthodox mind frame. Neat!

One of my favorite parts was in the previously mentioned chapter about why men daily thank God they are not a woman (I don't disagree even from the offset, I KNOW its difficult!). Even so, it can be seen as there is a problem with being born a female, and history has seemed to take that version of the story. That I don't agree with. But along with the explanation that men are required to do more, and women are internally spiritual (therefore men thank God for the opportunity) he adds that women just thank God for being 'created according to Hashem's will', which is actually better than it sounds. Why can't men just say the same? Well they can't. They have to be 'fixed' with circumcision and women are good to go as they are. (BOOOYAH!) I think it's almost like the MEN are the ones with the consolation prize of saying "thank God I'm not a woman", because really they have more responsibility, and its almost like that's just a nice way of saying it! Not to mention that many believe the world was created in ascending order, with women being the last.

Another beautiful quote was "It's natural for men and women to be attracted to one another. Regarding the creation of man, the Torah tells us that "male and female He created them" (Bereishis 1:27). The Midrash explains that man was originally one being comprising both genders. When God separated woman from man, they became two beings. It is quite natural for each gender, therefore, to seek its "missing piece."
Aside that this creates issues for me because I am a believer and supporter of homosexual rights, it is still a beautiful passage, and from a feminist standpoint, the idea of being united at one time and therefore equal is a wonderful one.

Throughout the book the message empowers women. It isn't a book telling them to cover up or else. It doesn't promote the idea that sexuality is bad or shameful, which is huge in my eyes. The book is intended for young girls (or boys) trying to better their spiritual selves as I mentioned. I think they can easily be caught up in the fervor of self denial as the 'right way' if they aren't careful. I like that it expresses some freedoms for people and puts these notions in a balance. Similarly, these ideas can still work for some people to the right who might not be used to these interpretations, without shaking their foundations or being heretical like some of us are from time to time...

Commune livin'!

Since the last post, my sister had some trouble with her rented room in someone else's apartment, and needed a place to stay. About the same time that I said she could stay on our futon (finally a new couch! Couldn't have come at a better time either!) we had friends who also needed a place. They would crash 'randomly' on the futon, but I realized it was becoming more of a problem for them when prospective apartments didn't work out. So I kept telling them to stay with us, too. Then my sis could stay in our extra bed in our on days they stayed over. Well that became every night and our family of four became a family seven (plus an extra cat!) I have yet to take a picture of all of us that everyone approves of being released... but yes, seven people to two rooms. Other than Princess Z of course, who has her own room at night. Lyla stays in our room still, but as I've noticed over the past few days, she does NOT like to sleep. I used to put Zalah out in the living room at night to get her used to sleeping alone. I can't do that now as there are people there, so we usually put her to bed in our room before we go to bed ourselves. Sometimes we forget, and she sleeps ok with us. But lately its been a massive undertaking to get her to sleep at night, with her persistent Capricorn self screaming for hours at a time! Unless I'm right there next to her of course. That being its own difficulty, I rather like living with a lot of people. We all have different schedules so its not usually too crowded, though we do still often have company. I like that I have help from EVERYBODY and no longer have to pick up my sister from the train or be the only one to drop of Chaim. He also gets a ride some days with our roommates to school. They all help with food, dishes and cleaning, and I actually had time to clean the bathroom (while giving my kids a bath at the same time, nonetheless...) but its something I wouldn't normally have too much time for. I kept the place pretty clean on my own, but with two babies and all their work plus house and school there was a bit of dust here and there. I do feel badly when we stay up late in the living room and the mates are tired, or when we go to bed late and my sis is already trying to sleep in there. Many people can't tolerate that kind of living, and it is difficult at times. But I think the women like each others company (at least I need it!) and we all get along fairly well. We haven't fought too much, at least not with each other. I like the idea of communal living, and I like that it's working out for me. We take care of each other, and because we have shared responsibility, it isn't a crisis if someone else leaves something that needs to be cleaned because we all clean up after each other. We don't keep tabs because we see it as fair since we all share work evenly. It isn't regimented and strict, actually the way I see real communal living is laid back and just having the respect to help each other out. I think its when you give everyone too specific of a chore that it becomes "YOU didn't do YOUR job". While my husband usually took out the garbage (or at least I tried to get him to) we've all done it in turn, and try to not complain too much that we did his job. The only time that happened a lot was when I was alone with him and felt like I was doing 99% of the domestic work, even when he no longer had a job. While I still think I do much of the work, I get help from people who really mean to help. We don't give them a deadline to leave or make them pay for things, and I try not to ask too much from them and not do anything myself. Maybe because it is relaxed, they volunteer their help more readily. This helps relieve some of my stresses and we all get time to study (sort of).

Sisters, sisters

So I haven't written in a while, here I am again. I knew that would happen, not like having two babies causes any sort of dizziness and disappearance of time...there I am again. But now I am back to school. Away I go again! Wonderful Kean University in Union NJ, only an hour away and a 6am wake up. How refreshing! But I do have to say, my older sister comes by train to babysit when I have classes, and I really appreciate that. It makes me think of how important siblings are and how I wish my mom had about 20 others just to help me out. :) But Zalah has Lyla and Lyla has Zalah. I keep thinking about how miserable I was to find out I was pregnant again (and to BE pregnant again!). Maybe it just looks better from the outside, but I keep thinking that *if* I ever got pregnant again, I would try to like it. (I'm even thinking of the possibility of natural birth again!! HELLO INSANITY! :D) I do love the little ones, little Lyla especially makes me want to eventually possibly have one more. (Because I know she will have to grow up! :( I can't even accept that yet.) But even if I don't have any more, I just feel blessed that they are so close (now that its OVER WITH!) and they have each other. They get along so well, I know they truly love each other and that it was meant to be this way. <3>my own sanity!

In the meantime, I am obsessed with being a belly dancer! Who knew those moves were so hard!!

Three Cups of Tea

I just finished reading this book about Greg Mortenson's humanitarian efforts in Pakistan and Afghanistan to build schools for children, written by David Oliver Relin. I urge every single person to read this book. I believe it is pretty popular, but if you haven't already, please give it a read. Tell everyone you know about it. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Afghanistan, and if anyone knows any Pakistanis, you know they are the nicest people on Earth. At least I think so. I'm so inspired by this book, that I want to do something to help. I've been working on tee-shirt designs for a while now, and when I finally launch my site, I hope to donate all the proceeds to his charity, the Central Asia Institute. (We'll see if I ever sell any.) I know my small blog isn't a lot to get the message out that many already know of, but I can't not say anything. Just as I finished reading the book, while sitting in the car in the parking lot of Home Depot, an elderly man came to his car parked next to ours. We exchanged "How are you"'s, and he said "I hope the book is good!" I said "It is! Three Cups of Tea!" He said "What? O yea, I read that one." I was so excited about our little exchange. "It's SOOO good!" I gushed. "Yea, I enjoyed it! Take care." He said. I loved just blurting out how I feel to a random stranger and getting a good response out of it. I really think this is an important book and we should all share these feelings of inspiration with each other.

I have two kids!?

I'm usually so busy with two kids that I don't have time to think about it, much less write about it. But then sometimes I stop and I reflect on it, and I say "I have two kids!?" It seems like I've had an infant forever. But that infant is also growing up, and I see that every day. Then at the same time, I see my baby, and I wonder "I have a baby? Where did that come from!? I don't feel like I just had a baby." I'm confused. But really, I love to marvel at Lyla, I don't feel like I should have a baby this small, yet I do. It's cliched, but it is precious, and I love it. Actually, I must say at least a thousand times a day how I don't want her to grow up. Zalah can be the one we watch grow, and Lyla can stay a baby forever! Yea right, but I wish she could!And I also love to see Zalah do amazing things as she grows at the same time. It is pretty disorienting, but I try to appreciate how awesome it is to still get to have a precious little one when most parents are still rocking one at this stage. Its not a contest or anything, but this is usually the time when parents want a sibling for their child/ren or just miss the infancy that ends as the child grows into their own individual person.


On a similar note, Zalah pooped in the potty and it was the most exciting thing ever.