A little bit Jealous

I've noticed over the past few months I sometimes feel a little jealous of my single-child friends. I tried to not to let it show, but after thinking about it, I feel like its something I can address and be honest about.

I know that when its your only child it can be hard because its the first time, the whole thing is new, and even one kid can be a difficult. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Mr. Bright Eyes Van Luyn!) ;)

Now, I want to appreciate that I have two adorable kids, and I do, but its definitely hard to hear other parents complain. I felt like I would get along well and relate to other parents, but I just feel like I'm completely losing my mind and would do anything to get a moments peace. Because the truth is, when I'm with just ONE kid, GOSH life seems so much easier. I know its probably all bullshit, but it just seems like life would be so gloriously easy. I feel like I would have had the opportunity to play with the child and talk to the child and actually focus on that one child. Even just to WORRY about just one child. Go out with them and feed them, and maybe myself, deal with their tantrums with full attention, stop them from creating twice as much of a mess, hug them, nap with them, take pictures of them, basically be like a team. And in all honesty, I miss that.

They are so close, I barely remember having just one. And even though I did want a sibling for Zalah eventually, even for that short time, I was sort of upset that Lyla was coming along so soon. (Not that she isn't totally awesome.) I wanted to cherish those moments, and well, I never really could. At least not unencumbered by other things going on around us due to the other kid. Granted, its even easier when the one I have to watch for the time being is Lyla, because she is so sweet and easy going. But even when its Zalah, who is a more difficult personality BY FAR as well as at a more difficult age, its still easier than both since the attention is all on her. Sometimes I think if I had two "Lyla" type personalities it might be better, but just more than one person to keep your eye on is always a lot. Parents who have more than two I think are just crazy. Once you hit two, you should know better!! :P

People who come from big families say that they all were treated with love as individuals, but I find it hard to believe. How can ONE woman physically take care of a large number of children, let alone nurture them and talk to them on a deeper level?

So really its a combination of everything: the fact that there are two, that they are so close in age and the fact that *one of them* is soooooo much more difficult to deal with.

Now before you think I'm evil, let me say that I do love Zalah, she's quirky and silly and cute and super smart. But WOW is she tough. She's not really super aggressive or mean, but she's BOSSY, PICKY, and WHINY.

1. She tells us what to do. She doesn't listen. When she wants it, she means NOW. She bosses Lyla around and tries to discipline her and even hurts her because she doesn't realize her strength. She sees what we do, but when *we* do something to discipline them, we know how to do it without actually causing damage. But she's only 2 so she doesn't know better.
2. She won't eat ANYTHING. The only thing she really eats is grains. Not just 'white' things, but just bread-products. Pasta, cereal, that kind of thing. Sometimes cheese, or whatever it is that week. I have to follow her around with everything and still she hardly eats. At least not variety. Even when she asks for these foods specifically, she usually doesn't finish it, if she even takes a bite. I remember it taking an HOUR to get her to eat a jar of baby food. :
   
3. She whines about EVERYTHING. She really can whine and cry for most of the day. This is partly age, but I remember how much I couldn't stand her behavior at 1+ years, while Lyla is almost two and she's so different. She hurts herself often. Really often. She 'sees' things in her room at night, she's always insulted or sad or hurt. This girl hardly ever smiles. Its sort of sad actually. :( She's the most serious kid I ever met. And she won't let you do what you need to do and have to do. So of course we want to be parents and set the limit, but it comes with whining whining whining. We can't stand it. Also, it brings in previously mentioned discipline, and then she thinks she can do it to everyone else too. She says she knows she is not the boss, but she doesn't act like it!

Just as I was writing this she broke a glass. And once I started typing again and took her off my lap, she cries. Now Lyla can have her freak outs too, but she usually doesn't cry as easily. Though sometimes when she does she just goes onnnnn and onnnn.

Still, I'm glad they have each other to be close to and start trouble with, because they're all the siblings each other is ever going to get!!!